Momma Day By Day

Top 10 CCM Songs: The Old School Edition

2012-01-31T05:08:00.000-08:00

Good Morning! It's my first Top 10 Tuesday with Oh Amanda and I figured I would start with something I am really comfortable with...

Music.

I remember at the age of 10 or 11 memorizing every word to Amy Grant's Heart In Motion album. I also remember when I got my first DC Talk tape, you know...back when they did rap :) I also remember the first time I discovered the Christian dance group, Raze. (Has anyone else ever heard of them?) Oh and that Newsboys tape that had "Shine?" Epic. I think I even choreographed a dance routine to that song.

Music has always been a defining part of my life and for as long as I can remember, I have needed to listen to music. It brings me closer to God. It is my heart language. While it was very hard to narrow down to 10, I'm happy with this list. Here goes! (In no particular order...)

10. Audio Adrenaline, "Big House"

9. Rebecca St. James song, "God"

8. Raze "All Around the World"

7. DC Talk "Jesus Freak"

6. Newsboys "Shine" "Breakfast"

5. Vineyard worship music "Father, you're all I need" "There's no one like our God"

4. Misty Edwards, "Simple Devotion"

3. Point of Grace "You are lord of life, love, and other mysteries"

2. Jars of Clay "Flood" "Faith Like a Child" Basically everything on their debut album

1. Steven Curtis Chapman "King of the Jungle"

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What other songs would you add to the list? Happy Tuesday!

The Making of a Princess

2012-01-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

Have you ever found yourself with a little daughter who wants to be "just like Belle"? Or what about Tinkerbell? or Cinderella?

Well I have such a daughter.

She loves everything Princess and I often wonder, How can I train her to love God while allowing the natural fascination with princesses?

Today, I am blessed to be over at the MOD (Mothers of Daughters) Squad writing about such a thing.

I would love to see you there!

Christa Wells Giveaway!!

2012-01-29T13:07:00.000-08:00

Well Hello Friends!

It's Sunday and I decided it's time for a giveaway!

The prize is a beautiful 5 song sampler called Image of God by Christa Wells and Nicole Witt.

This sampler has been on almost on repeat at my house since I received this a month ago. I love it! You will particularly like it if you like Kari Jobe, Norah Jones, Brooke Fraser, etc... or if you just want some new tunes :) The songs featured are the newest recorded by Christa and Nicole.

Christa and Nicole have a great collaboration that is almost effortless. Their voices blend so well and the words...oh the words are so deep you will think they are writing out of your own personal journey with God.

Want to know more? Here's a recent music video Christa made of her song, "Everything Moves But You". This song will not be on the sampler but is a snapshot of her musical style.

OK so now I'm sure you pretty much want to win, right? So, here's the details:

You may get up to three entries by doing the following:

1. Become a Google follower of Momma Day By Day (if you already follow, that counts too!)

2. Share this post on FB or Twitter (click on the "f" icon or the "t" icon below)

3. Like Momma Day By Day's FB page (if you already do then that counts!)

The contest closes at this Friday, February 3rd at 9:00 C.T.

Good Luck!!

God Is In the Details

2012-01-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

I have recently begun reading through the Bible in 90 Days. For the last several days, I have been camped in Leviticus.

Yes, I know...Leviticus. The dreaded book.

But you know what? I'm really enjoying it!

I am amazed at the amount of details that God described so His priests could carry out His procedures for keeping the people of Israel clean before Him. I mean talk about details! God even lays out a description of what happens when you get certain skin diseases.

Isn't this like our God? to be concerned with the small things? I imagine Him being way up in Heaven so many light-years away but still being concerned with how a day is going in a small townhouse, in a town of 7,000, in the small corner of the world,Wisconsin. He is concerned about how my heart is doing. He is overjoyed when I turn to Him and not to my flesh. He is delighted at the faith that my small ones are forming.

He cares about the little things.

Photo Credit: JuliaF

For He has a plan for my life already in motion. In fact, it has been set in motion since the beginning of time.

Details.

He has numbered my days and is present for every one of them.

He knows the challenges ahead and will be there to carry me.

Details.

He even knows whether I am to have a third child and when that child will be brought into this world.

Details.

So I don't know where you are at today, dear reader. Maybe you are just tired with life. Maybe you have unanswered questions for the Lord, questions that make you feel that He is not listening.

May I encourage you today?

He is listening.

He does care.

He knows how many hairs are on your head!

He can see into the depths of your soul, the places where no one else can see, and knows you.

Let us all come before Him today, thanking Him that He is involved in every area of our lives.

Details.

And you know what? We as His people are the most important details to Him

Blessings :)

For When Bloggers Start to Matter Too Much...

2012-01-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

I remember the first day I went on Incourage. I had never seen anything like it! I was in awe of the glossy photos, the womens' hair blowing in the wind, their fancy bios and their words...oh their words! It seemed effortless and cut me deep.

I was hooked.

And so I started to write.

And as I wrote, I made sure I didn't miss a post from my favorite writers at Incourage. I took notes on how they wrote, how they phrased things, and wondered how in the world so many people read their blogs.

I followed when they had babies, when their first books came out, and when they got to go to fun conferences and speak.

I knew more about them then I knew myself.

I even started to sound like them.

And where was God?

A distant afterthought...The Bible was unopened and unneeded...

because I had my "spiritual fix" from these writers

Isn't that so like the enemy? To use a God-honoring site to turn us away from God and towards man?

It happened to me...Is it happening to you?

Here are some warning signs that I still watch out for as I navigate the Christian blogging world:

Do you turn towards your favorite blog before you turn to the Word?
Can you rattle off some fun events or words your favorite bloggers have said but can't share something God is teaching you through His Word and His Spirit?
Do you find yourself trying to write like "they" write, thinking it is the magic spell to spiral yourself into blogging success?
Do you find that it is hard to pull yourself away from the many many wonderful Christian blog posts that are written each day?

Ouch.

Yeah that hurts.

I only say this in love, dear sisters. I feel convicted in this area and want to know My Savior more then I know what cool phrase Emily has said. Yes, Our Lord uses these women in mighty ways. He used them to pull me out of my momma funk last winter as I pored over their life-giving words through Incourage. If you haven't checked out that site, then you really are missing out...

Let's just do it all in moderation with our focus soley on Our King.

And those Incourage writers? Yeah I've met some of them and you know what I found out?

They are just like me.

They experience the same writing insecurities that I do. They wonder if anyone reads their blog, they struggle with feelings of inadequacies and wonder if what they are doing matters.

They are just like me.

They are just like all of us.

So let's be careful not to put the "Big Ones" on a pedestal. Let's not wake up in the morning wondering what "so-in-so" will write today. Let's not overly gush over them. Let's not make their words next to The Bible.

For in the end, they are just like us.

Let's encourage and share their art and pray for them. Yes pray! For they have been given a huge burden...that of writing His words to the masses. They have pressures and stress that we don't even know exists and their life might even be a lonely one.

So today I think of...

Ann

Emily

Lisa-Jo

Brooke

Joy

All the Incourage Writers

and many more...

We are praying for you! and we love the way you are serving us.

From,

Your Online Sisters

photo credit: Mattox

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How about you? Do you need an online check on how important other bloggers are becoming to you? Try this: list off the top 5 bloggers to you. Then, ask yourself, "Do I value their words right now more than what God is saying to me?" You will just know if anything is out of balance. There is much grace! Believe me...Let us turn towards the Lord! I'm so thankful for you...

Fears of Success

2012-01-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

My hands hurt from the stress.

I haven't slept well in two days.

And I'm tired...

Ever since I won the ticket to Blissdom, I have struggled with so many fears...

Fears of success.

Fears of not enough finances.

Fears of doing the right thing.

My joy was there as I read my name on the screen as the winner, but then it vanished as I tried to process how the rest of the details would come together.

And then the doubts came...

Did God really want me to go to Blissdom?

Am I right in spending our money like this? (Even though some of it is my Christmas money)

Is this God's will?

Can I trust that winning a ticket is God?

And I cling to Him. I slept with my Bible next to me last night. I feel as if I need to read His Word not one but two times a day. I pray continually. I feel the battle rage internally.

And I'm tired...

And I read things like,

"Strive to trust me in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties. If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in all situations...

Trust is like a staff you an lean on, as you journey uphill with Me...Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind."

~Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

I have experienced a great deal of writing success recently...success that I didn't seek...success that I don't know what to do with it.

I am more comfortable to be writing to my few loyal readers, in my small corner of the online world, encouraging the "bigger fish" and accepting that I am to be a SAHM right now.

Then I was asked to write for Must Love God and then Sisters In Bloom and then Blissdom...

and it all got to be a little too much for me to handle.

Don't get me wrong, I love these opportunities and am eager to see where Our Lord takes them. I couldn't ask for a better group of women to write with.

I am just learning that it is possible to be afraid of success.

I have heard many people tell me, "God is up to something big in your life, Christina!"

and frankly? that scares me.

Because I don't know if I am ready.

I don't want to "mess it up"

I just want to please Him.

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Oh, dear reader...thank you for stopping by today! If you have experienced transitions that were good and found them to be fearful, what helped You?

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things

2012-01-20T03:31:00.000-08:00

Well it's Friday and I feel like turning away from my usual God-is-shaping-me-life-is-hard kind of post to something a bit lighter. I have several fun things that just make me giddy when I think about them so I thought I would share them with you! Maybe they will bring you the same kind of joy...or maybe I'm just a nerd :)

1. Downton Abbey. Seriously, this show is amazing! Great story, great cast, and it's an hour long. Incredible! I spent one whole Saturday night watching all the Season 1 episodes on Netflix so now I'm officially caught up on Season 2. You can also watch the show online for free on PBS here

2. Veggie Tales Drummer Boy. My kids got this for Christmas and still love watching it. It's great! It features Junior, which is my kids' favorite character, and clearly shares the true meaning of Christmas. There is a precious moment at the end of the movie where the Drummer Boy sees Jesus in the manger for the first time. It's awesome and I hope it continues to shape my childrens' heart for God!

3. Once A Month Mom. If you didn't catch it, I wrote about this the other day and yes I still can't stop talking about it! It may change your life :)

4. Sisters In Bloom. This is an incredibly awesome site I will be contributing to starting in February. It is a site that seeks to encourage women by providing them a safe place to engage in community with others. Have you joined us yet?

5. Reading the Bible in 90 Days. Yes, I am doing this and it's not that bad. I am currently almost done Exodus and started last week. I love it! I love reading large chunks of Scripture because I think it helps me see the bigger story and not an isolated story. It does take discipline which is why I am not doing it alone. I will be joining my blogger friend Aurie and others February 1st so if you want to join me, let me know!

6. Quinoa Pasta. It's delicious. That's all I have to say about that.

7. Christa Wells' new album Image of God. Incredible. Love this woman's lyrics and song writing abilities! The girls and I dance to this at least once a day. Think a Christian version of Norah Jones :)

8. I'm getting a haircut! This deserves its own mention as it has been at least 7 months since I last got my hair cut. Yeah...so it's time...and I'm excited! I'm sure I will look like a new woman. Stay tuned for some before and after shots :)

OK well that does it for now!

What about you? What are some of your new favorite or exciting things?

Freezer Cooking Extravaganza!

2012-01-19T05:26:00.000-08:00

In wanting to live more frugally and wise in the way we spend our money, I recently embarked on a freezer cooking journey that I would like share. I loved it! I had done this once before with friends and loved it so much that I wanted to make it a regular part of my meal planning.

The site I used is called Once A Month Mom. It's great because it does all the work for you. There are meal plans for each month and are usually seasonal, featuring produce that is in season. A new feature is a Gluten/Dairy Free Menu which I may be trying out soon for myself.

Because this was my second time around, I knew that I needed to be more selective when picking meals that two toddlers would eat. The goal is to eat all the food purchased and not have food leftover! I also picked my favorite meals from the November through January menus.

The concept behind Once A Month Mom is to spend one whole day cooking enough meals for a month including several Breakfast and Lunch items. You then freeze all contents in various containers. When it's time to eat a certain meal, just thaw and enjoy! I also like that not all meals have to be cooked during the full day of cooking. Some are just assembled and then cooked later. This really cuts down on the actual time cooking!

Our grocery budget does not allow me to cook for a month at one time so I picked enough meals to last us about two weeks, including leftovers. This grocery trip totaled about $50. Not bad! Here's the loot:

Here are the recipes I chose:

Breakfast:
Sweet Potato Spice Muffins
Egg and Cheese Muffins
Breakfast Cookies

Lunch:
Chicken Burritos

Dinner:
Teriyaki Honey Chicken
Ranch Chicken Parmesan
Easy Pleasing Meatloaf

Total cooking time was 2 1/2 hours.

And here's the finished product!

Ta Da!

Isn't it beautiful?

If you are totally overwhelmed by the idea of cooking this much food in one day, then DON'T DO IT! This is only for those of you who are like me and dread meal planning, are on a tight budget, and liked to have lots of structure. I love having someone else do all the work for me! It makes my life so much easier and I can tell you I already feel less stressed! I stayed on budget and have a full freezer. Couldn't get any better!

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What about you? What are your frugal cooking tips? I would love to know!

Happy Money Saving, friends!

When God Says Yes and An Exciting Announcement!

2012-01-18T04:02:00.000-08:00

There have been a lot of no's in my life recently.

No to coffee, chocolate, and most comfort foods.

No to a child.

No to a complete release of stomach problems.

By this time in my married life, I envisioned us living in a house that we own, with somewhat cushy lives.

No. No. and another No.

We still are renting and most months struggle to make ends meet.

Not what I thought.

Now of course all of this is for my good and is grace-filled as He allows only that which is the best for me to come to fruition.

But I often feel like a child, pouting and stomping my way around, trying to convince my Father to let me have what I want when I want it.

And then there are those unexpected moments that take us completely by surprise. And those are the best...

When He says Yes.

Such a moment happened to me in the afternoon of a week wreaked with illnesses and injuries of my children. God said yes through an e-mail asking me to come on as a regular contributor of Sisters In Bloom.

This is a company of 33 women whom I respect deeply both as writers and Women of God.

After I pulled myself off the floor, I said yes.

So unexpected...so overwhelming at the prospect of writing with such "giants" in the blogging world. I will be in the company of ebook writers and others whose following is in the triple digits.

Amazing.

I'm still not sure why I'm in the mix...

What is even more amazing is their rich writing that I have come to love. And I know you will too! They write out of a close relationship with Our Lord and want women all around the world to feel loved and accepted by God.

If you still aren't convinced, check this video out. Warning: it might make you cry :)

What did I tell you? Beautiful. It's a community that has got your name on it. So won't you join me?

Come check it out!

You can find us on Facebook here and on Twitter here.

We will start posting on February 1st so that means you have two weeks to spread the Facebook and Twitter love to anyone you know!

Looking forward to seeing you there :)

Grace For the Good Girl Conclusion

2012-01-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

Tonight, as I write this, I am experiencing so many emotions as we end this series on Grace For the Good Girl. I can't believe we are here!

3 months ago when I embarked on this journey, I never imagined how near and dear to my heart this book would become. Emily has written my heart and soul on these pages and while it has been hard at times, the whole process has been worth it. I now know that I am a %100 bonafide good girl who has tendencies of people-pleasing, looking to self to survive, and just working too hard for love.

Out of these tendencies has come my different masks: the mask of control, the mask of unwavering strength, the mask of being OK all the time. I know so many of us can relate to those masks but have you ever tried to figure out how to get rid of them? Emily answers this major question in the final chapter.

She says very simply, "My only option is to trust in the One who holds all things together, even when they fall apart. To trust even when it doesn't feel true. To believe in safety even when I don't feel safe. To set my mind on what is true even when it feels foolish and naive" (212).

I am safe. Forever.

I don't need to strive for anything! Not love, not acceptance, not protection, not validation...

Nothing!

Because it has already been given to me.

And so now I need to allow my brain to catch up with that truth. You see, so often I know what the truths of the Bible say but I still let my emotions take control. But overtime, with all different parts of who I am believing God's truth, victory will come.

It will come!

No more masks.

"Jesus is the radical, absolutely, complete, living answer to all our if-onlys and if-I-could-justs. His unwavering, unchanging, unconditional love and acceptance of us is what we are really looking for" (215).

There is nothing else I need to wait for to attain the complete peace of Christ.

I am already loved with an everlasting love.

I am never alone.

I am His and He is mine.

And so, Emily charges all of us good girls out there to remember that which we have learned...to remember what He tells us in His Word...to simply,

"Remember to remember. Remember you have a choice. Remember to let peace rule. Remember to believe God's truth even when ti doesn't feel true. Remember that your life is hidden with Christ in God, you no longer have to manufacture your own safe places. And when we forget to remember? We don't have to travel over mountains and rough terrain to get back to God. Simply receive and believe that the truth is still true, and purpose to stay safely inside Him" (221).

Amen.

I'm a Recovering Good Girl.

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I want to say a special thank you to all of you who read my weekly processings surrounding this book as well as those writers who linked up week after week. I also want to thank Emily Freeman herself for providing encouragement and support for our little group. Thank you for reading! Who knows! Maybe we'll try this again sometime :)

When Life is a Battle

2012-01-16T12:36:00.000-08:00

I often feel like I am playing Tug of War with God these days...

Flickr

I am on one side and He on the other.

I tie the rope of my plans and desires around my waist and walk my way with all my might.

I am determined to get to what I want whether God is with me or not.

I press forward. Step by step. Each one met with opposition.

I want a child, God!

I don't feel like staying at home with my kids today.

I don't feel like watching what I eat.

I want an easier life...

The ropes begin to tighten and squeeze...

I am stubborn and don't let go of the rope, even through the grace-filled opposition is warning me: Don't do this! Come back to me.

Stop fighting me.

I only have the best for you. I am incapable of offering you anything else. I have made you to walk with me and not against me.

Stop fighting. Stop pushing ahead.

Just. Let. Go.

And so with tears streaming down my face, I drop the rope and run into the arms of the Father. And as a Father carries his young child, so am I carried through the rest of the day.

He decides my steps. He leads the way and His will is always made clear.

I'm too exhausted to fight. And when I stop fighting, I realized how exhausted I've been...trying to manipulate life to go the way I want it to go.

~Could I~

Kim McMechen

Could I just sit here awhile

Know that there's nothing I need to say

Safe in the knowledge that you know my ways

Love me completely; no need to hide a thing

Could I just sit here awhile; letting you melt away all of my fears

I feel Your comfort when you are so near

I'll hide myself in the shelter you've made for me

Could I, could I

Could I just kneel here awhile doing what I was created to do

Bowing in reverence I long to adore You

Willingly giving all that I can surrender

Could I just rest here awhile

Letting you whisper my burdens away

In all of my journeys there's no other place

Where I find refuge for my weary heart

Could I...

May you find rest for your souls with Christ today...

Haunted By Anxiety

2012-01-12T05:20:00.000-08:00

Every Monday night by precisely 8:00, I am anxious.

That's because every Tuesday I have to work from 1-7 teaching music to piano and voice students.

I can even feel my stomach churn as I go over all the little details I still have to get done, the e-mails that need to be sent to parents, the inputing of tuition money, the rescheduling of lessons, it just goes on and on.

You see, I have lovely students who don't even give me a hint of an attitude but for some reason, it just adds so much stress to my life...and it's only one day.

You would think that I could handle some beginner piano students and several good singers. I am a Conservatory of Music graduate for heaven's sake!

Nope.

It gets me every time.

This lack of control...the amount of hats I wear as a mom...the people to please...the students to challenge...the money I need to make...in fact, it is too much.

I'm finally allowing myself to admit that I am doing too much.

There is a reason why being a SAHM is a full-time job because it is just that: a full-time job. It's enough.

For so often I can barely get the meal-planning done, the grocery shopping under budget, and the kids happy and fed, while staying on top of my own gluten-free diet. Oh and then there's spending time with my partner in this thing-called-life: the husband.

Yeah I would say that's enough.

God did not mean for me to be frantic in my busyness.

Yes, this life will always be busy and full. That's good! but frantic? Stressed? Anxiety-filled?

No.

That's not the life I want to lead.

My husband and I hope and pray that I will be able to leave my job in June. We are praying that we can find some more breathing room in our budget so it will be a practical leave and not a rash decision. We want to be wise in this tender phase of life.

In the meantime, I need to tackle this Anxiety beast, for that what it is...a beast, waiting to devour me at the first chance.

He is otherwise known as the devil.

He knows my tendencies that are literally part of my DNA. He knows what buttons to push, what circumstances that will set in motion the spiral of stress and anxiety. He knows better then I do.

Scary thought.

He knows what my One Word is.

He knows that I am striving to be calm and still before the Lord in all things.

He just knows.

So, where do I go from here? How to I beat this beast? Can I even beat it?

You bet.

By taking a deep breath, saying out loud, "You won't win!", and sitting under the protective shade of God's presence and Word.

I don't want to be haunted by anxiety anymore.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, bring your requests to God" (Phil. 4:6)

"Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes"

(Eph. 6 : 11)

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8: 31)

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What about you, dear reader? If you struggle with anxiety, what has helped you get past it? Is there a specific scripture that comes to mind? A certain routine you do? I would love to hear your thoughts!

What Do You Love?

2012-01-11T05:30:00.000-08:00

From my dear friend, Jennifer at You Are My Girls...Such timely words for my life. I hope they minister to your soul today!

I have to remember who and what I love in order to love Him well.

I remember the first time my husband asked me what I love. Married for almost 14 years, sharing adventures together living on both sides of the country, partnering to raise three children -- he then suddenly asks me what I love.

My reaction startles me: I am anxious, distrusting, defensive.

Why does he ask, "what do I love?"

My mind blanking, I reach for a quick answer, the words tumbling out before I can think. "Well, of course, I love God, I love you, I love our children, and I love this life we have together . . ." (What else? Where is the cheat sheet? What's the right answer?) I don't like this assignment. I have only generalizations to offer.

I know how my love is supposed to look as a "good" Christian wife and mom.

This is what I love, right? What else could I possibly have to offer? Could there possible be more?

He kept pressing, "No, what do you love?"

And I reel.

He says he wants to fight for my heart -- wants to know what stirs me, what I am drawn to, how I feel most alive.

He wants me to explore this for me, not for him. He wants me to do what feels like self-examination, almost -- so we can both know my heart well. He wants to know what I love in order to fight for those things that I love, and, essentially, help make sure I don't go through this life without experiencing these things. He wants to know my heart better; He wants to love me more as God sees me. He wants to discover me again, for the first time.

Who knew that the simple question, "What do you love?" would prompt me to wonder if I knew much about myself, at all. And that scared me. This was a question I didn't want to answer.

I was so detached from whom the Father made me to be that I didn't even know what to say.

Weeks passed, then two months, then four.

It was difficult for me to believe that I am uniquely, wonderfully, created, just as I am, with passions and interests that the Father Himself designed within me before I was even born.

In my struggle to surrender and learn more about this girl the Father created me to be, I was being propelled toward Him. The Father was wooing me, longing for me to know Him more, to trust Him more with my heart.

When I finally folded, exhausted and depleted from running away from Him, I heard the first words from the Father that I’ve ever recognized: "Yes, child, I see you. There you are."

The beginning of me. Here I am.

Through my journey of surrendering to His Life in me -- with all my heart, probably for the first time --He spoke, and I finally had a heart soft enough, open enough, to hear: "You are my daughter, My delight, My princess flower, My girl, My girl who walks and dances and sings with Me, My darling, My love . . . "

And it never ends. His love for us never ends.

I began to gradually know my own heart, discovering what it is that I love, how He created me, His daughter. I needed desperately for Him to help me trust Him discern His guidance, hear His voice in me. And He did, by clearing out lies I’d believed and healing wounds, so there was room for His light to shine.

These are a few things He tells me I love:

"You delight in being known, in being understood, and that requires vulnerability and trust in the other person, the people I bring. Your vulnerability brings delight to My eyes -- when I see you trusting Me when you share your heart.
You delight in stillness, in tranquility, in life that moves but does not hurry.
You delight in movement, in action (yes, see the waterfalls tumbling down the mountain), in adventure and excitement, like the waterfall crashing down. You delight in freedom and expectation and trust.
You delight in humility, in quiet confidence.
You delight in My voice, in My words to you, in being My daughter, My precious one, My one I hold close and send out and walk with and ask to stand nobly.
You delight in mornings with Me, with morning's newness and expectation and quiet and peace. You crave peace. And I am in the peace, and I am in the rough and tumble excitement of the waterfall, too.
You delight in communication, in sharing hearts, in trust, in truth expressed from another's heart. Yes, I put that on your heart . . ."

Ezekiel reads, "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh" (11:19). I was finally awake and alive to begin to recognize the daughter my Father always saw.

And now Justin, my dear husband, uses this list as a guide for loving me -- checking in to make sure I pursue the things God has put on my heart to love and to do. He has made a list of the things He loves, too, and we know that for us to be aligned with the Father, we must claim our identity in Him, pursue the things that help us to see Him best, seek experiences that He created for us to love.

My Father is my delight, and I know He delights in me, too.

And I know He loves it when I discover more of who He has made me to be.

We want more of that, Father. We want to claim Your identity in us with everything we are. We want to live this life with the heart You created. We don't want to do anything to miss out on what You have.

To live with desire is to choose vulnerability over self-protection, to admit our desire and seek help beyond ourselves is even more vulnerable. It is an act of trust. In other words, those who know their desire and refuse to kill it, or refuse to act as though they don't need help, are the ones who live by faith. Those who do not ask do not trust God enough to desire. They have no faith. The deepest moral issue is always what we, in the heart of hearts, believe about God. And nothing reveals this belief as clearly as what we do with our desire (Desire, John Eldredge, 59).

How does the Father see you? Can you make a list?

What is it that you love?

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 16-17

2012-01-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

Ch. 16: Safe, even in failure

"Worry and fear are simply the belief that I have gotten myself into a place where God is not. And so that brings us to the truth, that God, through his determination to share his heart with me, was willing to go to my ungracious place to be with me. He would rather die than live without me, even if it means ungracious places" (187).

I hate failure. I always have. As a kid growing up I wanted to be the best daughter my parents had ever had. I got good grades and had good friends, always staying out of trouble, most of the time. I wanted to be the best at whatever I was doing at the time.

Today, failure haunts my parenting. Currently, my 3 year old is still awake and it is 9:00. In the most quiet part of my soul, I feel like I have failed today. Thoughts like, "You didn't spend enough time with her. You didn't get her worn out enough. You didn't provide an exciting day" haunt me.

Essentially: You don't measure up as a mom. You failed.

In fact, I already failed today because I lost my temper at my fussy 2 year old at precisely 6:30 p.m.

I am reminded that this journey is not over for me, this finding grace for this good girl.

Ch. 17: Safe, even when it all goes wrong

"Do not compare your pain with others. The worst pain you will ever feel is your own. That does not mean you are selfish-that means you are human" (202).

It has been less than a week since I wrote my post on infertility. It is a deep, painful journey I walk on, with each day taking a life of its own. I often feel I am a passenger on this rollercoaster, completely out of control, watching my life take its own direction.

At the same time, I know I have two healthy girls, that I have been blessed to have two healthy pregnancies, not even a miscarriage...and because of this, I can feel guilty at making such a big deal out of my infertility. That guilt is what kept me from writing about it sooner.

But the truth is, it is pain what I am feeling. There is no way around it. I appreciate Emily giving me the freedom to accept this pain and try to see the events in my daily life as..."the tempo of a God-breathed life" (207).

"To accept the lovely, the messy, and the unexpected things in our days, knowing that God sees them and has an eternal perspective, is to say with confidence I receive your timing. I accept that you know so I don't have to. Even when it all goes wrong" (207).

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm A Recovering Good Girl

Catching Up: The Scatterbrained Edition

2012-01-09T04:21:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

Well the first full week of 2012 is now over. Phew! How are you feeling? Broken any resolutions yet? Ha!

To be honest, most of the week, I was still recovering from our vacation the previous week. The kids didn't nap at all. Not One Day...so we are still getting into our groove over here.

After we got home from our week long vacation in Michigan, I had a sudden burst of energy to clean out the quarantined section of our basement that hasn't been touched since we moved here last May. I hunkered down and in 3 hours, the basement was done! Ah the joys of a completed task...

I didn't make any resolutions because it was going to overwhelm me, and I have two toddlers.

Enough said.

But, I am going to be reading through the Bible in 90 days with my good friend, Aurie, starting February 1st. I know...it sounds insane...and frankly, I'm still a little nervous about taking on such a challenge. Aurie blogged about taking the challenge before Christmas and I immediately felt drawn to reading the Bible from cover to cover (which I've never done).

So every week I would say to Aurie, "I'm still thinking about it," all the while knowing that God wanted me to immerse myself in His Word. Finally, I stepped forward in reluctant obedience and signed on. I know that God has much to say to me during this season of unanswered questions and closed doors. I need to be immersing myself into His Word during this hard season instead of running away from it. I know it will be intense but I am looking forward to reading the scriptures with a fresh perspective!

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What about you? At the end of this first week, what are you tackling reading wise? Is there a particular book you are reading? A big project you are wanting to finish? I am in desperate need of some new books to add to my 2012 Reading List so bring on the book ideas! I look forward to seeing what you are reading.

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Wednesday will be another great day of guest posting from my dear friend, Jennifer over at You Are My Girls. I'm not sure how this little tradition got started with Wednesday guest posting, but I like it! There are so many great bloggers I know out there that have something unique to offer so why not feature them? Here's a little bit about Jennifer:

Dear Friends,
I'm Jennifer Camp, A Northern California girl blessed with a warrior husband who helps point me to the Father and three children who help me realize how desperate I am for the Father's grace. I am also the author of You Are My Girls, a place to pursue the truth of your identity, in the Father's eyes.

I am tremendously blessed to have met Christina at the Relevant conference in Pennsylvania in October, a friendship that started with a conversation of honesty and encouragement. We need people like Christina in our lives, women who are present, listen close, and join us on wild, loving adventures with our Father.

I am so excited to engage with you here, On Wednesday, and thankful for Christina for her beautiful place of authenticity and community here at MommaDayByDay.

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Isn't she sweet? So I hope you will join us in walking with Jennifer on Wednesday. Have a great day!

Overwhelmed and Thankful

2012-01-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

There is much to write about today, friends.

I am still very much reeling from the overwhelming amount of support and love I received from this and frankly don't know how to pick up and keep writing. You all have joined around me and others who are experiencing the same pain and are making us feel not alone but in fact, a part of the body of Christ. So, thank you.

After responding to all the FB, Twitter, and comment love last night, I did normal things in the quiet of my home.

I washed the dishes.

I baked brownies for my sweet Kaylee's birthday.

And I marveled at His grace in bringing me so near to Him through His Word and the kindness of others.

And today, in a weird twist of providence, it is Kaylee's 2nd birthday.

You see, she was never planned or expected. My thoughts were still on how to get my 6 month old to eat cereal when I saw the two pink lines that announced I was pregnant.

I hid the news from my husband for weeks as he was deep into preparing for finals and his upcoming graduation from seminary.

Meanwhile, I myself was in a roller coaster of emotions myself as I was completely unprepared to welcome another little one, was wife to a husband who didn't have a full-time job, and frankly didn't want to be up all-night so soon.

Yet what a joy she is! Here we are 2 years later and she has brought my husband and I so much joy. We can't imagine our lives without her. And neither can her sister.

They are two peas in a pod, those two. And God knew!

As I keep waiting and longing to hold a third child, I can look at my children and marvel at what He's done...

marvel at His timing...

marvel at His ways...

marvel at the way He knows all the details.

And I'm thankful. I'm at peace, although still aching.

I'm learning it is possible to be at peace with God yet still longing for that which has not arrived:

A cure. A child.

Thank you for your grace, Father.

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I am guest-posting over at DIVA girls today about my high-school dating experience and my husband wrote an awesome post in reflection on our daughter's birthday today.

Have a great weekend!

The Empty Womb

2012-01-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

Last night I was doing some winter cleaning down in our basement and came across an opened bag of pictures.

I opened it, and found this:

I was very pregnant with my second born.

I remember it was Christmastime and I couldn't find anything to wear. We had family coming in and it took all my strength to get myself moving to prepare the dinner. We didn't have a church job yet but were excited at the new life that would be joining our small family.

Oh how I wish I could travel back there!

Because I fear I will never be able to experience being pregnant again.

After having two very easy conceptions, I find myself now stuck inside a body that just won't work.

Everything has screeched to a halt.

I find that I now spend my days checking off dates on a calendar instead of joining in the summer baby boom.

I spend my days writing in a food journal instead of experiencing morning sickness.

If I end up taking certain medications for my stomach, then I can't even get pregnant while on those medicines.

And all I want God to do is take all the pain away.

I'm clingy more tightly to my daughters now because I fear that this is it.

I grieve when I see how my girls light up when they see babies at the mall.

I grieve when I see another friend on facebook announce that she is pregnant.

I grieve when another month goes by and my body, like clock work, says, not this month.

And oh the regret!

I should have savored those baby moments.

I shouldn't have taken it for granted that I was able to get pregnant as easily as I was able to.

I should have...I should have...

I don't know where I am going to go from here. I will continue to try to trust God and cling to Him. I will continue to cry out to Him with the words, "Lord, help me get through today."

And in the deepest part of my soul, I know He will.

If you, dear reader, struggled with or is currently struggling with infertility, what helped you get through the days of waiting? Please share anything else that you think would be helpful for all of us to read.

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 14-15

2012-01-02T22:16:00.000-08:00

Only two weeks left after today, Ladies! Can you believe it? Look how far we've come!

Ch. 14- Remember: On Setting Your Mind

"Jesus loves me this I know. For the Bible tells me so."

We all know this song and have probably sang it over a million times in our lifetime. We might even cringe when we have to sing the song one more time. But how often do we forget this truth? I know I forget it everyday.

Emily takes a stop on this journey of grace with setting our minds. She says simply:

"When I don't set my mind, my mind sets itself" (165).

Isn't that the truth!

If we are to truly learn what it looks like to live a grace-filled life, we must then commit to a rewiring of our minds.

I think about what my mind's default mode looks like: fear and anxiety.

I don't really have to work that hard to get stressed or anxious because I have practiced this emotion so much. I have rehearsed the emotion so much so that it has become a part of my reality.

Because of this, I need to be rewired to fall into Christ instead of reacting in fear.

I think I often expect my battle with fear and anxiety to just go away like magic. Or maybe I try harder. Or maybe I have a good day and think my battle is finally done.

But really it's a lifetime of choosing to say yes to God, of staying on my knees, and setting my mind on Him.

"To set your mind is to recollect truth that already belongs to you" (166).

Oh that's good.

My fear says, "You won't ever find the answer to your stomach problems."

He says, "Because of my great love for you, I have surrounded you with all the resources you need to beat this."

My anxiety says, "My body is broken and as a result, I will never be able to have another child."

He says, "I love you and am so attentive to every detail of your life. I know and will bring to pass that which is the best for you."

While these answers may not be what I want to hear, ultimately I do win because they are answers that bring life and hope and peace.

Such grace to be found and experienced and enjoyed.

I love that Emily closes out the chapter with acknowledging the reality of changing emotions and how that affects our setting of our minds. She says:

"The smoke bombs will go off. The sparks will come. The emotions will swing from high to low. That is normal, neutral even. The challenge comes in knowing what to do in the mist of the smoke, in remembering that my identity is secure in Christ even if my emotions imply otherwise, and in setting my mind on truth even when it doesn't make sense" (170).

Ch. 15-Safe, even when it hurts

There have been several times in my life where I have experienced intense seasons of hurt, depression, and sadness. During those times, all I could do was walk around in a haze. One such time was during a intense breakup with my high school boyfriend. The other was when I was newly married and unbelievably stressed with my new teaching job. Two very different set of circumstances, the same result: pain.

In both instances I wanted the pain to stop. I also wanted a closure-the kind of closure where everything gets resolved in 10 seconds with absolutely no tears being shed.

That didn't happen.

Needless to say, I spent many a night crying during those dark times. As hard as I tried, I couldn't see the end to my sorrow. It just seemed to go on and on.

By God's grace and love, I did heal but it was messy.

"Healing is messy and fluid and often unpredictable. I can't manufacture my own healing. It usually takes longer than I think, runs deeper than I wished, and involves more areas of my life than I ever imagined. But once I come through it on the other side, healing not only offers the closure I thought I wanted, it comes with a wholeness, wellness, and restoration that closure lacks" (173).

With any kind of healing comes a renewed dying to self, as Emily describes. It is an utter surrender to Christ because I can't do it anymore.

I need Him to take over. To solve this problem. To rescue me.

My problems look different now then they did all those years ago when I was in my darkest hour. My need for Christ is still the same, though. I still need Him to rescue me from myself.

I'm still trying to solve my own problems. I'm still trying to run my own life...and making a mess of it in the process.

Come rescue me, O Lord, from myself and my sin!

Be my healer that can "stand on my behalf" (179).

Oh Lord, how I love you...

I'm a Recovering Good Girl

My One Word for 2012

2012-01-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Friends!

My heart is very expectant and hopeful as I turn another page.

It's another year. Another fresh start. And I'm excited.

In meditating on what one word God wants me to sink my roots deep into this year, I immediately thought of the word

PEACE

It can be defined as simply, "a state of tranquility and serenity".

In my best of times, I feel an abundance of peace.

In my worst, it alludes me and I can't seem to find it. I search and search, willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to attain it.

I long to have peace in the midst of the trials, because I know they will come. Some trials are already here as I start day 1 of a new year.

The empty womb is still empty. The stomach problems persist, on the eve of dietary changes, and unanswered questions still remain.

Yet, peace can be found for He says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27)

I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I don't want a heart of unrest.

I want to trust. To receive. To hope, thus attaining...

PEACE

Some Favorite Blogs of 2011

2011-12-29T13:46:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

I am taking a brief break from my family vacation in Michigan to highlight some of my favorite blogs of 2011. It is crazy to think that a year ago I had never heard of most of these blogs. I guess you could say it has been a year of change for me as a writer. A year ago I was lamenting over how to get through a winter with two toddlers in a 2 bedroom, one-floor apartment. Now I dig deeper when I write. It's now a passion and not a trash can to catch all my verbal vomit. God has used these women to challenge me as a Christian writer, and for that, I am thankful.

I consider it an honor to know most, if not all, of these ladies on some level. They are encouraging...they are inspiring...and they push me to be a better writer. So, without further ado, get these women on your RSS Feeds!

10. Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama
9. Emily at Chatting At the Sky
8. Lindsey at Lindsey Vanniekerk
7. Annie at Annie at Home
6. Sarah Mae at Like A Warm Cup of Coffee
5. Jennifer at You Are My Girls
4. Michelle at Some Girls Website
3. Joy at Grace Full Mama
2. Kris at Always Alleluia
1. YOU! Yes, you. I am always looking for new well-thought-out blogs that inspire and challenge. Know of any? Then comment below! Don't be afraid of saying your own :) It's not a bad thing. It's good to be proud of your art! Because that is what blogging is...art. It's a reflection of you. I'm looking forward to seeing some new names down below :)

Think one of the blogs you follow should have been on this list? Let me know! Do share :)

Disclaimer: the list was in no particular order and was a small drop in the bucket. There are countless more women who are not only great writers but also great friends. I am one blessed woman!

Looking forward to getting into a regular blog routine once I get back from vacation. I've been in a bit of a writing funk lately but feel the wheels starting to churn again. Look out, world! I'm coming back!

Happy New Year!

When the Walls Cave In

2011-12-23T05:29:00.000-08:00

The most challenging sacrifice for me as a SAHM, these days, has been that of my time. I am not a homebody by nature. I like to go out and get a change of scenery. I like adventure. I love to travel and if my husband and I ever have extreme wealth, we will most likely spend it on traveling :)

Come read the rest over at The Momma Knows!

Thanks, Dawn, for letting me invade your space for one day. I loved it!

Blessings,

On Empty Mangers and Finding Jesus

2011-12-21T04:41:00.000-08:00

The first Christmas we are married, my parents give us Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. These little unbreakable people, abiding quietly in a woodsy creche (that looks little like what historians tell us that first stable resembled), these were the playthings of my childhood Christmas memories.

Each year my parents add a piece - a shepherd, the wisemen, their camels, an angel, then the camels again when their wiry legs melt in the unbearable heat of a summer attic.

Ironic, I think, that the dessert animals are the only ones damaged.

They keep giving them, one or two a year, until we tell them there is no room in the inn. I think they're beautiful, but what I love about them most is that they're plastic. The perfect intersection of beauty and functionality, I think, placed low for little hands to enjoy.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when those little hands laid a certain member of Nativity scene on the kitchen floor, brought in with some great purpose, no doubt, and somehow left lifeless on the big slate colored tile just in front of the oven.

But when I stumbled through the kitchen that afternoon, already on my last fuse, and attempting to step over the pink stool and the ponies and the popcorn kernels littering the floor, blinded by the heap of laundry in my arms, I didn't notice who was lying there until the soft center of my foot came down hard and sharp on his pointy, plastic, little body.

And let me tell you, my response was less than holy.

Anger shot through me, at whatever I had just stepped on, at the person who left it there, at myself for the lack of clean going on around here lately.

And then I looked down.

And I smiled (as in smile-so-you-don't-crack-up) at the irony.

This is my reality: camels melting and me stepping right on a plastic Baby Jesus while I'm huffing and puffing and striving to make this house presentable to make Merry.

And Baby Jesus is back in the manger for now.

But I'm pondering tonight, the unexpected places he shows up in my life.

No, not the plastic one, but the Living Christ.

As I lay the plastic figure, the tangible, touchable one back where he belongs for the 714th time this Advent, I think, with heavy heart, how I long to relegate the Living Christ, the Author and Finisher of my faith, the Alpha and Omega, how I long to put Him somewhere that's more comfortable for me.

I long to find Him when I crack open my Bible, when I whisper prayers and want answers, and on Sunday mornings, regardless of the snarls and grumbling that happened en route to church.

And I long for His presence on these high holy days, especially when we light the Advent candles, and on Good Friday too.

And when my sister died, or when we learned about my daughter's back problems, these are times I desperately need Him, expect and demand Him.

But it's a little harder to welcome Him in the piles and heaps of unfolded laundry, in the tantrums in the grocery store and the I-don't-feel-like-picking-up-my-cell-right-now-because-I'm-pretty-annoyed-at-you-Buddy moments.

I want to hide my messes, my failing, and mundane little nothings.

I'm so quick to forget that the reason this Baby came, right into the stinking mess of a stable, was because of our sin, our inability to commune with a Holy, Loving God.

He came low because this is the reality of our lives.

And it is the sick who need the doctor, and when I stop pretending I'm not aching and bleeding from this sin-sickness, I can receive the tender care, the soul medicine of repentance and forgiveness.

Because it's in welcoming Him into my mess, my failing and endless striving, coming to Him with my sin and ugly selfish parts of this heart - right now, in this present moment, that I find the costly grace He came to lavish on the captives set free.

So today I ask you to join me, embracing the mystery of the Word Made Flesh - the omnipotent God formed into vulnerable, helpless baby, and the mystery of His coming into our messes and mundane moments, and the goodness of knowing His love at Christmas, and every day, in all things.

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Stop by and visit Annie at her beautiful blog and you can follow Annie on Twitter here

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 12-13

2011-12-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday, everyone! New here? Come see where we've been!

Ch. 12-Remain: Navigating Through that Quiet Time

As Emily is weaving us through how to live a grace-filled life and not a fear-filled one, she takes us to the stop of quiet times. She confesses to attacking quiet time like it was another task to check off and as a result, often felt like she really hadn't met Jesus.

I've been there. I have often felt like I can only meet Jesus in that 10 minute span when I have my Bible, my pen, my current devotional, and a quiet house. While a separate time is so important and slows me down, it is not the only way Jesus reveals himself. It is through the chaos of life.

It is through my scurrying around, trying to entertain two toddlers who need me for every area of their life. It is through the never-ending tasks that need to be completed to keep a clean home. It is through the daily trusting of how and what to eat that will heal my stomach.

That is where I can experience the reality of my Jesus.

"We have a Creator who knows about the swing. He set it into motion. He is not afraid of our life stages. They don't hinder him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. He offers us a new place to hide" (144).

"We are not called to be strong women" (144).

I love that!

Referencing Moses and his anxiety when God called him in the Burning Bush:

"I AM is my present reality and my only hope of freedom. Certainly, he will be with me" (146).

Oh can't we all claim that for our lives?! That we are not simply crawling through life, hoping to have enough quiet times to get us through? No! Every moment of every day we have the I AM present and speaking truth into our lives.

We are inadequate and cannot work or produce enough to earn His love. This also includes a perfect quiet time every day.

"To remain in him means to refuse to get up from his lap" (147).

To refuse to leave that place where we know His love is there, drawing us closer to Him and His truth.

And yes, quiet time is important but it is no longer a set time, a task.

"Quiet time is no longer something I do. Rather, it is a description of what happens when I am with God. Time can be a loud, chaotic, rushing-around companion. But as I sit in the presence of God, he quiets my time. Now that I know what the truth is, I long to allow space for my soul and spirit to being to believe it" (149 emphasis added).

I think that is beautiful! And I am filled with hope for the challenges of today!

I Am is with me. What can stand against me?

Ch. 13-Respond: What is worship?

"Free women respond with worship in everything. It is a natural outpouring of thankfulness and awareness of love and grace and truth. It isn't mustered up; it flows out" (155).

I experienced such a powerful reality of this statement last week. I was struggling with fatigue. The girls hadn't napped well that day and I knew I had a potentially long afternoon ahead of me. I was trying to steer clear of coffee for this reason, but didn't know how I was going to last until dinner time. I was folding laundry, on my knees, and reached out to God.

Give me strength! I can't do this today!

He answered by prompting me to turn on some worship music. I clicked on Pandora and you know what was next in the rotation? "Healer" by Kari Jobe.

The words washed over me and the tears started to flow.

"You hold my very moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You, I trust in You

I believe You're my healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe"

The I AM was there. What grace to meet me exactly where I needed Him. I was at a loss for words. I just cried and cried. It was a beautiful moment of worship, of me responding to His love for me.

That is where I want to stay. In His arms. In His shadow. To hide behind Him, safe and secure. The only thing that will be able to come from my life will be worship.

Hide me in the shadow of your wing today, Father. I need you.

I'm a Recovering Good Girl.

Giving Up That Which I Hold Dear

2011-12-18T21:26:00.000-08:00

The convulsing.

The twisting of the intestines.

The throwing-up.

The profuse sweating.

Yes, it was a bad night. Last night, my body had its ultimate intestinal spazzing. Sorry for being too graphic! but that is what it is...better known as Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And I have it. I was officially diagnosed back in mid-October and have been playing the guessing game ever since.

What diet changes do I need to make?

How long will I have this?

Will this ever go away?

I have had countless number of resources given to me...all of which have been telling me different things.

Try no gluten.

No...dairy!

No...chocolate and refined sugar.

and the worst:

No coffee.

I find my head starts to swim and my pulse spikes up with my growing level of anxiety.

I research.

I google.

And yet I still don't know where to turn.

I know my body is broken but I don't know how to fix it.

It's a terrible feeling and if you've experienced it, you know.

You know the feeling of hopelessness and despair that can be your everyday companion.

You know the feeling of utter lack of control.

Some days you accept the fact that you will always be this way and there's no way out.

There's no "magic pill" to take.

This disease in particular is specific to each person so what worked for someone else, might not work for me.

Most days I can get by OK. So I think, maybe this is getting better!

And then last night happened.

Even through all the discouragement that today has brought me, I feel a surprising and renewed sense of clarity. I know I have to beat this. I know I have to watch what I put in my body. I know I have to give up that which I hold most dear...

foodtocure.com

Coffee.

Coffee has become a source of comfort. A welcome companion to my mornings before the kids wake up. A friend to me on tired days when I have to work and am feeling not up to the task. A vehicle to engage people in authentic relationship.

Really, when I think about it, coffee has taken on too many roles. Should the words "comfort, companion and friend" be used of a drink?

I don't think so.

God, in His mercy and infinite grace, is bringing me to a place, not by my own choosing, where I will be forced to look to him for physical, emotional, and mental strength.

No more substitues.

This starts now.

I am feeling pretty raw tonight...but in my weak state, I feebly look to Him and whisper, "I'm looking forward to how you are going to surprise me!"

I'm ready to give up coffee for as long as it takes.

No more games.

Would you pray for me in the coming days? I would so appreciate it!
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In keeping with the guest-posting tradition of this month, this Wednesday I am so filled with joy to welcome my dear friend Annie from http://annieathome.com/. Here's a little bit more about her:

Hello, sweet readers of Momma Day by Day! I’m so thrilled to be joining you here, this Wednesday. I met Christina this fall and have been so challenged and encouraged by her words ever since. I have to admit, the task of writing a brief bio feels more daunting to me than pouring my heart out on a blog, because it begs the question, who am I? I can tell you that my name is Annie, that I am a woman created in the image of a loving God, whose mercy has rescued me and who is making something glorious out of this beautiful mess! I am living this life with the most intentional, servant-hearted man I know, and our two wonderful kiddos. I am a teacher by trade, home with our girls for this season. I’m fueled by quality time spent in engaging conversation, and letting the creative inside of me run free. I blog (rather sporadically) atannieathome.com about the sweet memories & traditions of my childhood home, the home I’m creating with my husband now, and the sweetness of the spiritual home I’ve found in knowing and being fully known by a loving God. Looking forward to sharing a few minutes with you here Wednesday. - Annie

Looking forward to seeing you all back here on Wednesday! You won't regret it!

A Rushed Morning

2011-12-15T05:49:00.000-08:00

My alarm went off way too early.

There was much to do today and I thought 6:00 a.m. was a good time to wake up.

Finally by 7:00 I quickly got out of bed.

I was remembering the brownies I made last night that were left uncovered.

I was remembering the dishes that didn't get done.

And so I hurried...kicking myself that it hadn't been done the night before.

30 minutes later I am still washing dishes when finally it came: I haven't talked to God yet.

You see I was so focused on the tasks at hand (can we say Martha anyone?) that I had forgotten the very one who has given me a gift of another day. The very one who meets my every need and comforts me through the long days and fussy toddlers.

I didn't start my day with Him.

And so I'm going to try to not be so task-oriented. Those things need to get done...and they will! but I don't want to forget Him in the process.

I want thoughts of Him to be the first thing to come when my feet hit the floor.

Not of that which I need to accomplish. Not of that thing that is happening in my life that I can't control. Not of how quickly I can brew the coffee

But Him. He longs to have a relationship with me today and I don't want to miss it.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." (Psalm 59:16)

So how was your morning?

Christmas Craft

2011-12-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

Hi! I'm Virginia from Geeky&Sassy -where I blog about my not so perfect journey with my faith, family and crafty endeavors.

Today I'm going to share a simple way to make a tree skirt (with or without a sewing machine!) I like to put a bit of the fun trendy decor elements in my home without spending a lot of time and money.

If you don't own a sewing machine or you have fighting fits with it every time you get it out you can make a tree skirt with a few simple tools: 1 yard of fabric (preferably the thicker fabrics like those from Premier Prints or another home decor/canvas option), scissors, (pinking shears or sewing machine), thread and needle.

Fold your fabric in half and in half again.
Then bring one edge to the other to form a triangle.
Cut the tip off of the triangle where all of the folds meet. This creates the hole for the tree.
Cut the open end of the triangle (decide if you would like more of an oval or a circle and cut accordingly).

If you're not going to finish or turn under the edges on your sewing machine use pinking shears to prevent the fabric from fraying a lot. If you don't do anything you'll find long threads around the house from your new skirt!

If you have a machine, finish the edges by ironing and flipping over the edges two times and sewing with a straight stitch. If you have a handy hemmer foot, pull it out and use it!

Open the circle. Cut a slit from the edge to the middle circle to create an opening to put around the tree. Add sticky back velcro if you'd like a closure.

Hand stitch bunches around the skirt every few inches (see photos). I took a little piece, twisted it and then threw some stitches in it to keep it in place. Make sure you start and end underneath the skirt so the threads don't show. It's best to tie it off and cut it at every bunch to avoid it loosening over time.

I found it easiest to put the tree skirt around the tree and decide where I wanted the bunches. The ones I hand stitched I actually did sitting on the living room floor with it under the tree.

You can sew the bunches on your machine. It flattens it a bit more but still gives such a fun, textured look (& oh so much faster!)

So, whether you like to sew by hand or machine, this is a great, simple, inexpensive way to switch up your holiday decor and bring a bit of trendiness into your traditional decor!

I hope you drop by and see my at my blog, facebook, twitter, and pinterest sometime!

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 10-11

2011-12-13T07:13:00.000-08:00

Well this week has been tough for me to find the time to write this. I was going to write it last night but I had a late dinner to attend. Then, I didn't sleep well so I didn't get up early like I usually do to write. Thankfully, today is my husband's day off so now I can finally write! Thanks for extending grace! Oh, and if you are new, come see where we've been in this journey! I'm glad you are here :)

Ch. 10: Hide-and-Seek

Ch. 10 was the last chapter in part 1 of the book titled, "The Hiding". Emily brings it all back to the Fall and where it all went wrong. We all know the story...Eve takes the apple and everything changes...forever.

I appreciated how Emily reminds us of the questions Satan planted in Eve's mind as he tempted her.

"Love dislodged itself from her heart, sending her spiraling down into despair and doubt and death. Could it be true that God has more that he isn't giving? Could it be true that he is not who he says he is, who I thought he was, who I wish for him to be? Are my needs not really met?" (110 emphasis added).

Oh how I ask those questions of God. I shake my fist. I accuse Him of not meeting my needs. I dislike the life He has given me. I want something better to come along.

These questions and emotions come out of the part of me that died during the Fall. As Emily reminds me, my spirit died that day when Eve made the choice to eat the apple. Every day, every moment, I have to choose to live in the flesh or in the peace that I already have because of Christ. I am never exempt from having to make that choice. The minute I let my guard down, Satan is right there with his apple...

"You have to accomplish something big in order to be happy. You can be like God! You can have it all! Fame, money, affirmation, success. Oh that God? Yeah he is preventing you from all that happiness. You need to take control now. You must strive! It's all up to you."

But then the powerful I Am shouts back,

"It Is Finished."

"Now we do not have to manufacture our own safe places. We have been placed into safety" (119).

"You are righteous because of Christ. Now you are free to live like it's true" (120).

There is nothing for me to strive for anymore. It's all over and has been over since Christ died those 2,000 years ago.

I am loved with an everlasting and perfect love.

I was lost and now I am found.

There's no need to hide.

No need to hunt for a better life or success.

Everything I need has already been made available to me!

Such grace!

Such mercy!

Who can bear the immense weight of His love?

No one.

Because of His mercy, he does not unleash the full magnitude of His love upon us for who could experience it and live?

No one.

Ch. 11: Receive

Now after 10 chapters of unveiling the good girl in all of us, we can now turn a corner to Jesus. For the remainder of the book we will be finding out how to be found and how to not hide anymore. I'm ready!

In the prologue to Chapter 11, I loved the quote that Emily was told by her mentor. Emily was lamenting about how she couldn't figure out how to change the way she coped with life, how to get rid of the masks. Her mentor smiled at her and said,

"You're not this way. This may be how you cope, but this is not who you are" (125 emphasis added).

And I just quietly said, "Yes, Lord. I understand. Help me..."

Ch. 11 opens with an anatomy lesson of sorts. Emily walks us through the three parts of a human: soul, spirit, mind. Every human being is made up of these three parts. So, as a Christian, I am born with a dead spirit. I must then make the choice to believe that God's Spirit now with my spirit. This truth changes everything.

When I believe that God's Spirit is now living within me, then peace is now not only a wish but a reality. There is no reason why peace can't rule in my life. None! For that is my new reality as one "born again."

"There is indeed a controversy between two parties: my flesh and my spirit, the lies and the truth, the fake and the real, the mask and the Savior. Peace stands between them, looks me straight in the eye, and asks permission to do what peace dose best: give rest" (133).

I want that rest. And I will have it, but first there is a release that I must do. The release of my masks and that which holds counterfeit security for me.

For me this can be something as simple as my coffee (which I'm not supposed to be drinking anyway...) or to my need for people...or to my need to be busy accomplishing something.

"It's all about me and my good intentions and my effort to be something. Since when does the creation get to decide its own use?" (136).

It's all about you, Jesus. Who do you want me to be? How do you want me to spend my time? I am your creation. You are my Creator. Use me as you see best.

So when I see Satan taunting me with that apple of his, I will not walk but run away to the arms of my Savior who has given me all.

The haze is starting to lift...I'm starting to see...

I'm a Recovering Good Girl.

A Little Bit of This and A Little Bit of That

2011-12-11T18:54:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends!

I couldn't really come up with a better title for this post because it really is a little bit of everything on a page. I have several things to share with you! So ready? Go!

~ Books of the Month
If you haven't already seen the two humongous books on the left-side of your screen, then I'm sure you do now! These two exceptional ebooks were written by the ebook extraordinaire, Sarah Mae.

I got to know Sarah Mae during the Relevant Conference and was blown away by her business-savvy approach to blogging as well as her down-to-earth personality. She was also the co-founder of the conference and put 1 million hours into planning it. Because of her hard work, the conference went off without a hitch and was enjoyed by myself and so many writers across the nation. I have learned a lot already by how Sarah approaches blogging, how she makes money, in a good way, out of her blog, and by the way she balances real life with blogging.

Simply said, I'm a fan.

Her two ebooks are titled: 31 Days to Clean and How to Market and Sell Your Ebook.

The premise for her 31 Days to Clean is as follows: "Journey with me for 31 Days as we get our homes and our hearts in order. Give me 31 days and I'll give you not only a cleaner home, but a vision for one." (31daystoclean.com)

Sarah includes a Mary Challenge for each day-something you can do that encourages your heart as the Keeper of the Home and a Martha Challenge. The Martha Challenge is more of the "how-to" of keeping a clean home.

Who doesn't want to know more about keeping a clean home! So go ahead and click on the link located on my site to find out more! The ebook is selling for only $4.99 so it's really a steal :)

How to Market and Sell Your Ebook is a MUST for any writer that is remotely interested in writing an ebook. I happen to be one of those people and have Sarah's ebook on my Christmas list! Here's the background behind this book:

"Here's the deal, I'm just an everyday person who found success with ePublishing. My goal with this ebook is to share with you what I've learned in the process of creating and selling an ebook." (marketandsellyourebook.com)

I'm hooked! Now I don't want to achieve writing greatness, but I do want to pursue a writing dream I have and I believe epublishing may be the way to go. If this sounds like you then I encourage you to click on the appropriate picture on my site.

Disclaimer: I will receive some compensation for every ebook sold through the pictures on my site. If you really want any of the two books, then I know you will enjoy them! Consider the extra money a Christmas gift for my family :)

~ A Guest Post
As most of you know, I am not crafty...at all...so I am thrilled to have Virginia over at Geeky and Sassy come pay a visit! She will be sharing on Wednesday a how-to on making your own Christmas tree skirt. Love it! Go check on all the other cool crafty things on her blog as well as her posts on faith. Love this girl! You can also find her on Twitter here. Let's get to know Virginia a little bit:

"Hi I'm Virginia over at Geeky and Sassy where I blog about my not-so-perfect journey with my faith, family, and crafty endeavors. I'm thrilled to be sharing some crafty ideas with you all! Make sure to come back on Wednesday :)"

OK friends...sorry for the mismatched post today! I feel very passionately about the two ebooks listed above as well as my wonderful blogger friend. This blog is not just about me but about my sisters in Christ who are trying to navigate the waters of online life in a Christ-like manner. I hope to see you all back here on Wednesday for some craft fun :)

Happy Monday!

Writing With Color

2011-12-09T05:06:00.000-08:00

Color.

So vibrant.

So ever-changing.

So alive!

I never was a good artist. Art class was really more of an hourly prison sentence than anything else. I used to furrow my brow and concentrate so hard to give my teacher what she wanted.

In the end, my person I was attempting to draw usually had these misshapen ghost legs instead of real legs.

Color.

Finding my art within has taken half of my wee little life, it seems. I am now an artist, painting with my words, weaving a chorus of color to present a masterpiece to my Great Teacher.

I am discovering new ways to shade...new ways to color deeper, harder, more purposed.

When I fail, I look to the Great Teacher for where my color went wrong.

Was it fake?

Was it the wrong shade?

And He leads...directing my hand back to the blank canvas.

A 4 Year Journey to Burnout

2011-12-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to write today...I was simply too busy and trying to keep up with life to think about something deep and introspective...

But then I read a powerful post Stephanie @ Keeper Of the Home wrote about her journey to burnout and back. You should read it, but if you don't have time, here's the gist of it:

Stephanie documents a 2 year journey of what led her to burnout both spiritually and physically. She has a couple children during those 2 years as well as writing several books. She burned the candle at both ends and as a result, ended up having some health problems.

Stephanie also writes about what she has done now to prevent any further burnouts from occurring. I found her post powerful and thought-provoking.

The cycle of burnout is all too well-known in my life. Without me trying to explain it, I'm just going to show you what the last 4 years have been like:

Summer 2007: I graduate from college and get married one month later. New husband and I settle into a very expensive area.

Fall 2007: Husband starts second year of seminary while I start a brand new high-end music teaching job. Very stressful time with hours of lesson planning and teaching choir for the first time.

Spring 2008: I became pregnant with our first child by the time March came around. Scrambling occurs with trying to figure out if Husband will stay in seminary or go to part-time. We decide he will stay full-time while I work until the baby comes. Move to another apartment.

Summer 2008: Husband goes to Romania for 6 weeks for a seminary requirement. I am 6 months pregnant by the time he comes home.

Fall 2008: My final months of teaching are spent preparing for my departure. First child is born in November. Husband is now in final year of seminary with no job prospects.

Spring 2009: Husband is nearing graduation with no job offers but a serious lead in Virginia Beach. Our lease is ending in June and we have nowhere to go. Two weeks before husband graduates from seminary, I find out I am pregnant. Surprise!

Summer 2009: Husband and I go to Virginia Beach to interview for church position, come back, pack up all our belongings to put in two storage units, and drive to the east coast to live with my parents. Thus starts our very long, painful time of waiting for "what's next".

Fall 2009: I am now almost in my third trimester and am subbing to make some extra money. Husband is working at Starbucks and continuing to look for jobs. We fly out to Denver for another church interview but come back knowing it is not a good fit. December comes, baby is due in a month, and no job. Move to parsonage.

Winter 2010: Our church plant decides to hire Husband as an intern. Praise God! 2nd baby is born early January.

Spring 2010: Around March, Husband goes through series of interviews with church in eastern Wisconsin. Interview trip scheduled for May, get hired at end of weekend. One year later from graduating seminary we have a job!

Summer 2010: Move to Wisconsin, get adjusted to new culture/area.

Fall 2010: I go back to work at Target for early morning seasonal work. My shifts were from 4:30 a.m.-9:30 a.m. or later. I would rush back and relieve Husband so he could go to work. This lasted for several months.

Winter 2010: I left Target to teach private music lessons.

Spring/Summer 2011: Mentor and dear pastor of ours who hired Husband dies tragically of bone cancer one month after diagnosis. My dad goes into major surgery one week later to remove large cancerous tumor from pancreas. Move to bigger townhouse.

Fall 2011: Here we are present day...I am still working and juggling two active kids...but overall, this is the quietest our life has been in 4 years. And I love it!

Wow that was a lot! I was exhausted just reading that! I would say that I have led a very stressful 4 years. I am now the weight I was when I got married. I struggle with some minor health problems. I also find that I don't always have the energy that other mom's have. I'm beginning to understand my limits and be OK with them. I am also learning how to say "no" to things. I will be stopping my job as soon as we are financially able so I can rest some more and prepare for what is next!

I am the most happiest now that I have been since graduating from college. I take great joy in writing and processing what God is doing each day. I take great joy in visiting with friends and engaging in authentic community. I take great joy in reading a good book and in staying at home in my PJ's all day with my kids.

I'm learning how to slow down.

I know life will always be busy but I now can control how frantic it becomes.

If things start to pile up on the calendar, I will say no to something else.

If I feel the anxiety start to rise up, then I take a deep breath, evaluate what it is I feel I am trying to accomplish, see if I really need to do it, then either do it or say no.

I say no to many things so I can say yes to myself.

I say no to many things so I can say yes to my family.

and I say no to many things so I can say yes to God.

I'm recovering from burnout. What about you?

Linking up with Michelle @ Some Girls Website

My Only Regret

2011-12-07T04:32:00.000-08:00

Let's all welcome my dear friend, Lindsey here to Momma Day By Day

When I first started blogging, I had a commenter tell me that they enjoyed my blog but that their only regret is that they found my blog as I was leaving Africa.

I had only been blogging regularly for a couple of months at that point and truly did not have a clue why or what I was doing. My life was in major transition, and emotionally, I found myself at rock bottom. Leaving South Africa was one of the hardest decisions of my whole life thus far because leaving there also meant taking an indefinite "time-out" from full time ministry, which had pretty much defined my entire existence, both as a child and as an adult, with no clue as to what and where God was taking my husband and I next.

So while I know that the commenter's intentions were not meant to hurt or to harm, the impact of those few ill-timed words ran deep into my soul.

What did I think I was doing starting a blog in this season of my life?

What did I think I would have to say?

I was in the midst of brokenness and sorrow and pain.

His words were right, I decided, because after all, telling about LIVING life in Africa must be more interesting than talking about life AFTER ministry, right?

Last month, I was driving around with my new love - my DSLR - posed and ready to snap shots of my favorite season -- autumn! -- wherever the muse might take me, and I rounded the corner of the highway. The scene before me took my breath away causing me to ponder upon the beautiful art scape that the Great Artist has created just for us to enjoy.

And then something inside of me paused with that inner realization that there was more than to this picture than what I was seeing with my natural eyes.

In the view to which I was privy, inside each and every tree, had been placed amazing potential to bloom, to blossom, to color, to flower, to radiate, and to shine. And while some trees exhibited the brilliance of fall in all its splendor, others were not necessarily what one would call "beautiful."

Not this year any way.

Although they may have been last year, or the year before, or maybe even next year their true colors will shine through, this season, the storms and winds had reduced them to their barren branches, with me giving them barely even a passing glance.

Except.

In the panorama of beauty in front of me, every tree counted.

Without all of the trees together, standing firm, no matter their real or hidden beauty, the breathtaking spectacle in front of me would not have been possible.

Isn't that how it is with each of us?

Sometimes we go through seasons where we feel unnoticed, unloved, undervalued, and basically forgotten. We wonder if God notices that all around us others seem so beautiful and so full of life and that they possess the things that we want or pray for incessantly.

Then my mind travels back to those trees and because I have seen many of these same landscapes year after year, I know that they will be amazing and brilliant again.

Just like me.

Just like you.

Because the potential inside of you and me was placed there by the Master Creator.

And while the timing of the flowering is often not what we would have chosen, the result are ALWAYS better than we could have ever imagined.

So yeah, I started writing AFTER I left Africa,

AFTER the season of my life where I may have written cool stories about living life in a multi-lingual culture.

I started writing in the biggest season of brokenness that I have ever faced.

I started writing while I was having a HUGE crisis of faith.

I started writing just before my life took A Great Big Ole 90 Degree turn.

But what I did not know was that, although I started writing as a ugly tree with gangly branches with no leaves, He has bloomed something not only IN me but THROUGH me.

And as hard as the dying was and is, my only regret is not yielding sooner.

Because it is not just about what I do, or what I want, or how beautiful I look.

Ann Voskamp says it best, "Make thunder, sisters," reminding us that our job is not to BE the refreshing soothing rain, but to join together with the voices across the globe making outrageously loud thunder so that THE RAIN can reach farther and wider than we ever could by ourselves.

And while I am still learning, I hope that you will jump on board with me, make some thunder, stand tall in your barren branches or radiant leaves.....

No fear.

No regrets.

No comparisons.

No holding back.

What holds you back as a writer, a wife, a mom, an employee,

a single woman, an entrepreneur?

What season do you feel that you are in?

What are you doing in your life today to yield

to His surely-rocking-and-amazing plan?

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 8-9

2011-12-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

We are at the half-way point, friends! New here? Welcome! Come see where we've been! Join us as we pursue freedom as good-girls.

Ch. 8: Hiding Behind Your Comfort Zone

On the journey of characteristics of a good-girl, we come to hiding out of fear. This fearful hiding comes out the most in our relationships, as we would rather put the spotlight on them and not on ourselves.

"Our comfort zone is a widely drawn circle and we stand in the middle, protected by our ability to please everyone else, no matter the cost. We watch people from behind this not-so-secure comfort zone. We observe and interpret reactions through our own messed-up filters so that whatever is going on with others ultimately comes back around to us. We master the art of asking insightful questions and become interested in others' lives because deep down we believe they are more important." (91).

I have most certainly fallen into this trap as most days it is easier to hear about someone else's life than my own. It isn't always fun to talk about my own struggles, and yet, if I don't share, how can people know where I am hurting? It is selfish, really, this refusal to share with others out of fear. It is selfish because it means that I am the only one that is capable of bearing my burdens and no one else.

"You feel lonely, unimportant, and not-as-good-as, while at the same time you experience feelings of deep resentment toward those who always turn to you. You have trained people to think you have no needs, but you are secretly angry with them for believing you" (92).

So this whole not- sharing- thing doesn't really ever work out, for either party. In my most weakest state, I must always remember that people deserve to know how I need help. It is only out of this sharing that a true and lasting relationship can form.

When it comes to people, the goal of a good-girl journey comes down to this question: "What if, instead of walking into a room with a wall around me, I was able to walk into a room and move towards others in freedom?" (96).

That's what I want...What about you?

Ch. 9: When Is it My Turn?

To be honest, when I saw the title of this chapter as, "When it gets ugly: hiding behind her indifference" I breathed a sigh of relief and thought this one chapter wouldn't apply to me at all. Finally! I thought, a chapter I can just coast through.

Ha! Boy was I wrong!

This was all me...more then I would like to admit.

Emily shares about her anger at the fact that rebellious women who have turned away from the Lord, committed terrible acts, then come back and get fame from their testimonies. She puts it this way:

"I love how God is using these women. I love to read and hear their stories of faith and redemption. I love to see them triumph in the face of deep woundedness. I'm amazed at how God does that. At the same time, my inner good girl pouts. I am quietly angry" (99).

I was brought back to blogging. When is it my turn, Lord? We need the money...when can I get my blog off the ground? And then the Relevant keynote speakers spoke about balancing life with their blogging. "It's easy for them to say...They already have a great following. They already have tons of viewers." (Yeah, what a great attitude I have...sheesh!)

Then the indifference comes in.

I say it doesn't matter.
I don't need lots of people to read my blog.
It would be great to make money off the blog, but it doesn't really matter, I say.

But sometimes it does really matter to me. I'm a recovering addict to performance so when I'm not performing well, it makes me mad.

I shake my hand at God, "You know we need the money...You know we serve in ministry...We give you our all! Can't you bring this great thing to pass? This fulfillment of my dreams?"

Why does it always have to be hard for the good girl?

And the answer comes in a quiet whisper...

Because you are trying...You're not supposed to try. You're not supposed to perform.

"All that is mine is Yours" (106).

I've already given you complete acceptance and love. I've already got your best interests in mind. I already know a better way for you and will bring it to life when it's time.

Stop trying, my good girl.

Stop fighting.

Stop thinking that everyone else's life is better than your own.

Stop trying and let me do my job...

And so I am humbled...by my pride, by my arrogance, by my ungrateful thoughts towards Him.

I have a long way to go, don't I Lord...Help me to not be overwhelmed by it all...to just take one step at a time...to live by that vision you gave me..."to live one day at a time"

I'm a recovering good girl.

My Manifesto (and A Great Guest Post!)

2011-12-05T05:13:00.000-08:00

And so it is time....to do this thing that I have promised. I've promised God, you, my family, and myself that I would lay out my vision and how much I am going to allow my blog to take over my life. It hasn't been easy...this vision-laying and building boundaries. In my flesh I would much rather have full reign of my time and have to report to no one. But where is my Father in that? No it can't be. I need to put restraints on myself...to structure this Social Media beast or it will eat me alive.

I have prayed and mulled over where I want my blog to go, what I want it to be about, and what its purpose is. For if I have no purpose, then I should no longer invade this online space. So, here goes...

My purpose in my blog is to glorify God by documenting my daily encounters with the ups and downs of life. I long to draw nearer to God each day, thus dying to self a little more than the day before. My purpose for my readers is to offer them an authentic voice so that they in return will find freedom in their own struggles and be pointed towards God.

My Social Media Life will be as follows:

6:30-7:00 Quiet time with the Lord and encouraging online friends through Twitter and Facebook.

7:00-1:00 Time with my girls! This includes housework, play time at home, outings with the girls, breakfast with Daddy, and lots of little meals to prepare. This does NOT mean occasional checking the Ipod to see if I got an e-mail or a FB/Twitter notification, or to see if one more person read my blog and commented. While it is permissible and will not cause my children to feel unloved, it is not beneficial to me and the Social Media Beast is not tamed.

1:00-2:00 Blogging time. I will write a new blog post, check FB/Twitter, comment on several blogs, and research upcoming blog posts and writing opportunities.

2:00-3:00 More housework, making phone calls, get dinner prepared and get ready for the girls to wake up.

3:00-6:30 More time with the girls and the husband when he gets home. Dinner as a family.

6:30-7:30 Online time while Daddy puts the girls to bed. This is his time with the girls so I will often step away so he can read them stories, etc... During that time I will answer any comments on my blog, send some more FB/Twitter love, and then call it a night!

Wow. Two hours of online time a day sounds like a lot but it goes by fast. Also, I do have writing dreams I would like to pursue and find that I do need to commit to a certain amount of online time to make those dreams become a reality. I will scale back if I find that 2 hours is too much for my family.

I have also found that on Saturday mornings, like today, I may need some early morning writing time away from the family, in order to get ahead on a bunch of blog things. This will hopefully reduce the amount of time during the week that I need to devote to the blog. We'll see how it goes!

OK that wasn't too bad...It's done!

What about you, dear friends? Do you need a Social Media Manifesto? Is it taking over your life too much? Even if you don't have a blog, you too are around Social Media. Come join me in taming the beast!

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I am pleased to welcome my dear blogging friend, Lindsey from The Little Missionary Girl All Grown Up. She will be guest posting this Wednesday here on Momma Day By Day. I am thrilled! She was a fellow Relevant attendee but the funny thing is, I didn't really meet her there but through Twitter after the conference. I respect her as a writer and as a fellow sojourner in this Christian walk. I know you will be blessed! You can also find her on Twitter here. Here is her personal Bio and pic:

Growing up as a missionary kid in the Caribbean country of Haiti gave Lindsey a perspective that many would call unique and exciting. She would call it "My Life." The longings began in those early days and have never quite stopped-longing for family miles away, longing for tanned skin instead of freckles, longing for that white-horse-prince, longing to be a mom of a house full of kids, longing to make a difference in the world. After graduating form Oral Roberts University with a degree in psychology and communication, she set off on a course that would take her through 10 years of serving as a missions director, children's, youth and then associate pastor, both in the US and South Africa. In a dramatic turn of events, Lindsey and her long awaited South African McDreamy, married for 6 years, are now living life on a sabbatical from full time ministry and basking daily in the knowledge of His radical love. Still longing to be a mom, Linsey writes about her journeys through waiting, growing, and changing from that "little missionary kid" to some form of a woman "all grown up" daily walking in the grip of grace at The Little Missionary Girl All Grown Up.

Have a great day :)

A Joyful Tired

2011-12-02T11:48:00.000-08:00

Tired...

I am both happy and tired today. It's been a good week. Lots of personal victories and laughter all around. My kids have been smiling more...my husband is coming home happy.

God has blessed us richly this week.

I'm not sure what is different this week. Maybe its my attitude on life. Maybe its my renewed purpose in writing. Maybe it's just because it is a good week.

After lunch today, I just sat with my girls and listened to them play.

One was singing a kids' worship song. The other was smiling and staying close to her sister. Oh how I hope that closeness stays for life!

The sun was streaming in through the windows. Peace...

And all I could do was smile and take it all in.

I'm tired but not spent. I'm weak but not exhausted. I'm still searching for answers but not despairing.

I love this kind of tired...

Resting in Him today :)

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room

2011-12-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

It's December 1st. Advent season is upon us.
His coming.
It's a season of expectant waiting...anticipation...joy.

Are you ready?

It can be a busy season with Christmas parties, gift-buying, decorations to put up, church concerts...

OR

It can be a slowing down of the soul, a quieting of our hearts, a lessening of activities-not a piling on.

Maybe we can say no to another Christmas party. Maybe we could buy one less gift. Maybe we could be intentional about what Advent is about.

Now before you think that I have it all together, let me explain that this will be a challenge for this worship pastor family. I know our empty December calendar will quickly fill up with church events and various parties. Christmas is also on a Sunday this year and I'm not sure how we are going to slow down when the job demands we hurry that day.

But, thanks to Truth in the Tinsel I will have a daily opportunity to revisit the most amazing story of all...this Advent story...the events and days that led to His arrival. The raw emotions that were had. Mary's anxiety. Elizabeth's joy. The Shepherds astonishment.

I befuddled my way around Day 1 of this Advent journey. I did the craft wrong...and I think it was the easiest one! One child went downstairs in the basement instead of listening to the story. The oldest was intrigued.

Just before I decided to quit before I had really even started, the oldest looked down at her heart and said, "It's dark..."

I explained the concept of the Jesus coming as the "Light of the World". I lit two candles and her eyes widened in wonder.

Wonder.

Do we have that, my dear friends? I know I often don't.

Do we wonder that He would come and take away our darkness?

How beautiful...

My child continued to stand there and stare at the candles. She just couldn't stop looking at it...at Him...

The journey begins today. Will you join me in the anticipation?

Joining Michelle today...

What Am I Really Doing Here?

2011-11-30T05:31:00.000-08:00

It is time for blog evaluation time. A wise woman, Laura Booz, is hosting a Social Media Behave series over at Sarah Mae's Like A Warm Cup of Coffee. I didn't initially want to check the series out because I was busy with other writing things. One evening, I decided to pop over there and see what everyone was doing and I was blown away by the content. Laura was laying out all the temptations and struggles with social media. She was speaking such truth!

"We are feeling compelled to write well, tell useful stories, speak out for the oppressed, promote ethical companies, steward our God-given abilities, and make the most of our time online and offline. This is a huge undertaking, and it’s not easy territory. We’re smart enough to know that by dipping our toe into the vortex of social media, we risk being pulled into its dizzying demands. But, don’t worry, He won’t leave us to fend for ourselves. He’s the one planting the desires in our hearts, He’ll equip us with the know-how. This week, I want to share a handful of ways in which I’ve come to enjoy making social media behave, so that I can hear God’s voice and happily obey Him."

I knew even though I really didn't want to spend time reevaluating my time with social media and blogging in general, I had to. It was time.

I guess I've really never had an official mission statement concerning my blog. I just write because I love to write and because its a release for my thoughts.

Most of the time, I haven't had you, my reader, in mind at all when I write. Because of this lack of mission statement, I have been inconsistent. I have not prayed over what God wants me to write. I just write.

Now I believe there is a time and a place for "emotional writing", when you just need to write and NOW!...but I don't believe you can build a healthy, vibrant blog on just emotional writing.

So often we can't trust our emotions so why would I build my whole blog around my emotions?

The second way I felt convicted in the area of my blogging is the lack of encouragement I have given to my fellow bloggers. Sure I do an occasional tweet or retweet another's content, but I don't share their work here on my own personal space. There is so many talented, God-fearing women who are so much more wiser than I am when it comes to navigating this whole Christian blogging thing. I want you, my dear reader, to be able to appreciate and celebrate their hearts on the web. I already have some great ideas for how I can bring my online sisters into my own blog. I can't wait to get started!

The third way I felt convicted, is in the amount of time I spend on blogging. I enjoy blogging so I can easily spend more than an hour a day on writing. I don't plan ahead on writing my posts and I don't have childcare for my kids. So, my writing time has been early in the morning, during nap time, or worse yet...at night when I should be spending time with my husband.

Not a good process.

I don't make money blogging...at least not right now. I would love to at some point! but until then, time is money. My time is precious and I should be putting in an appropriate amount of time.

Tomorrow I will be sharing my vision statement and the specific ways I will budget my blogging time. Once I publish it, I will officially be accountable to that statement! So I'm a little scared...

Through all my ups and downs with blogging, I continue to be thankful for my dedicated and loyal readers. Thank you for walking this journey with me!

Have a blessed day!

Grace For the Good Girl Ch. 6-7

2011-11-28T18:10:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are...coming off a holiday week. It's back to business! Stay with us. Don't give up! Write when you can, dear friends. Much love to all of you. New here? see where we've been.

Ch. 6:-The Rule Follower: It's A Curse

So now our friend, Emily, takes us down the path of being a rule follower. Someone who needs the rules to feel safe...to know what's expected of them gives us "good-girls" freedom, as weird as that sounds. So when we make mistakes, it's the worst thing that can happen to us because our safety net is gone. We can't rely on doing everything right...so we freak out. We panic. We try to fix it and quickly.

"When you are a good girl who finds your identity in your performance, then mistakes mean punishment" (69).

I remember as a young girl one instance when I had done something wrong. I had lied to my parents and when bedtime came, didn't confess that I had lied. We all went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned and finally wrote a confession note that I slid under my parents door for them to find in the morning. I remember the relief I felt that although I had broken the rules, I had made everything right and could still be a "good girl".

You see, I could never live with any amount of guilt, even if it was over something I didn't even do. This guilt has caused me to apologize for things that I had no business apologizing for. It has caused me to not voice my feelings or emotions for fear that it will upset the other person. I'm getting better and stronger but also realizing this whole rule follower thing is a curse and not something that is easily rid of.

"The mindset with which I typically approached my walk with God was one of attempting victory but secretly expecting defeat" (70).

Yes. I can't tell you how many times I have started a One Year Bible and quit before the second month. I haven't even been able to keep up with Hiding Romans 8 with Do Not Depart. It hasn't even been a month! Yikes! I'm getting worse...

Emily helped me finally see the reason behind this spiritual start and quit disease. She said...

"....unable to perform anymore, defeated from all the effort" (70)

Yes. Exhausted. Done with performing. Watching others continue to succeed and hit all their spiritual goals while I flounder.

When I fail, I don't turn to God with relief. No, instead I just try harder in another area. The cycle continues, as Emily says.

"Rarely, if ever, did I experience rest simply because I knew I was loved with an everlasting love by my Creator" (71 emphasis mine).

My God wants me to just be me and accept His love. In return, I will finally be pleasing Him and feeling loved in the process. Nice!

So try less. Rest. Know that I have already won His heart and favor.

Ch. 7-Can't Fall Apart

This chapter was all me. Man, Emily! You keep getting me right where it hurts!

Emily describes responsibility as "It means taking things on as my own that were never meant for me to take on. It is the false belief that I, myself, am the cause or explanation for the bad, uncomfortable, or dissatisfied people or circumstances around me" (80).

When my mom was sick when I was growing up, I often felt I had to do something to fix the problem. My parents were stressed. No one knew why my mom was sick. So for some reason, I thought that meant I needed to make everyone happy. I was a good daughter. I got good grades. I encouraged my parents. I did too much.

No one had asked me to take on the weight of the world. It's quite ridiculous, now that I think about it, that somehow I could solve my mom's medical problems. But isn't that what we do? Try to solve the world? It never works. It only makes us exhausted and anxious.

Jesus never said, "Solve every problem you come across. It's up to you and you alone. If you fail, everyone involved will hate their life." No! Didn't he say, "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest?"

Rest.

"I've got you", He says.

"Let me take care of it."

I'm ready for you to be in charge, God.

I'm a Recovering Good Girl.

Unmet Expectations

2011-11-28T12:03:00.000-08:00

My journey to motherhood came quick. I became pregnant at 21

and had my first child at 22.

I really didn't know what I was getting into :) and thought becoming a mom would solve all my problems...Ha! Boy was I naive!

My main reason for becoming a mom was to give me a reason to leave my first teaching job. I was exhausted and stressed all the time. I was in my first year of marriage and adjusting to financial pressures. I spent hours lesson planning every day, only to have that lesson turn into shambles. It was not an easy time...

So I thought, why not become a mom? Then I could leave my job and be a happy, content, stay-at-home mom. Problem solved...

During the nine months of pregnancy, I developed high expectations of what motherhood would be like. I thought I would be happy...rested...totally fulfilled...and content. I couldn't wait!

I ended my teaching career on Halloween...came home...and said, "This is it! My life is now beginning!"

So on November 13, 2008, my daughter came into the world.

That first winter in cold Chicago was a tough one. I was exhausted, lonely, and hurting. Of course I loved my daughter but I wasn't being fulfilled the way I thought I would be.

Unmet expectations.

"What is wrong with me?" I thought...Everyone else seems to be totally happy when their first baby comes.

No one ever told me how hard it would be...

I have believed the lie over and over again that if I just have "this one thing" I will be happy. This could be a baby, a job, a relationship, a book, etc... You name it and I've probably thought it.

I'm prideful...I expect to be content and fulfilled all the time...that trials shouldn't come to me.

"Why can't you make me happy, God?" I rage...

Unmet expectations.

What a danger it is to come to God with expectations. We treat God like He is a magician saying, "Your wish is my command..."

Unmet expectations.

I desire a child...I desire more writing opportunities...I desire for more money...Those are my expectations.

My patient Father looks at me and says, "Child, I don't operate with 'your wish is my command', rather 'your best is my command.'"

And that's all He needs to say...for He is the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End.

My best is His command.

He will bring to pass only that which will train me up in righteousness, for His name's sake.

So, I'm learning...

No more expectations :)

Linking up with other sweet lovelies :)

Top Ten Reasons You Know You Are A Writer

2011-11-27T12:45:00.000-08:00

You Know You're A Writer When...

(In no particular order)

10. Every minute of the day could quickly turn into a blog post...or two...

9. Writing conferences make you giddy with excitement. You might actually develop a twitch

8. A writing idea comes into your head, you literally drop whatever you are doing and write that idea down. This could mean running away from your husband and children, all the while saying, "I'll be right back!"

7. You feel the most incredible satisfaction and release upon hitting, "Publish"

6. You find yourself coming up with new and exciting words (in groups of 3) that start with the same letter...calm, crazy, and contentious...No, that's not right...

5. You find yourself in a crazy Zen-like state when you are in front of your computer writing...Your husband has to eventually come upstairs looking for you to see if you are alive.

4. You feel the closest to your inner soul and to the heart of God when you are writing.

3. You feel tempted to hit "Stats" or "Pageviews" upon completing a post.

2. You desire to actually be paid for your writing...along with a thousand other women who are just like you...

1. You validate another writer's work, for you view it not simply as words, but art...and a beautiful one at that!

I'm happy to be a writer!

Happy Sunday :)

Uninhibited Thanks

2011-11-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

Grateful..

(photo credit: visualphotos.com)

Oh the joys of an uninhibited heart...face tilted upward...eyes closed...smile...

heart shouting, "I'm so grateful, Father! Who am I that you would choose to give me the life I have?"

A life of laughter and love.

A life filled with possibilities...potential for change...yes even that! Grateful for the change that can come through Him. Change...to move forward. The way I am now is not it. No! There is hope...

and I'm grateful.

Grateful that this cold, sinful heart can continually be warmed and shaped like a potter over His clay.

That he would choose me...Oh! How can it be?!

Grateful for all of life's comforts...for two healthy children who will always have each other as playmates...though my heart yearns for more quivers in my arrow, I am grateful for the children I have.

Grateful for a husband who sacrificially lives each moment for me and me alone. I know I am his cherished one. This is an unshakeable truth in my life... an anchor that I can hold onto.

Grateful for new beginnings...and for growing pains...that which I have spoken of so much recently...

For yummy food, music, writing...

Here's to looking at You, Father...for I'm grateful for You!

When It's Hard to Give Thanks

2011-11-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

I just came back from our church's Thanksgiving service. It was wonderful hearing so many stories of lives changed, employment, health, and joy in God's faithfulness. My husband led an awesome group of musicians and our church body in songs like "Great is Thy Faithfulness."

I closed my eyes real tight as I sang, "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided"...

I was almost willing my soul to think such truths. The harder I squeezed my eyes shut, the more the words might become a reality.

The truth is, I am still fighting with God on a number of issues.

There's an inner battle that rages over

my health issues

lack of fertility

loneliness

lack of guidance concerning the future of my writing

having to work, thus having another ball to juggle.

It sounds very un-thankful doesn't it?

I feel selfish...

I struggle with how to rise above my circumstances and un-fulfilled dreams, look to God and say,

"All I have needed Thy hand hath provided."

Back to that church service...So I see all my brothers and sisters in Christ publicly lay their gifts of gratitude on the feet of Jesus and I sit with an empty box.

I don't know how to thank You for the right now.

I don't know where to go from here...

But then He comes, as swiftly as an attentive parent to His hurting child.

You have to trust that I know better. I know how hard this is! but you just have to trust me...

And that's all He says. It's not a lengthy answer. It's not poetic and well-written. It's just trust me. Stay close. Don't go away. Remember me as you struggle through the days ahead.

"Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be."

And so I continue to hold on, prostrate on the floor, arm stretched out, fingers clenched around his leg.

Wherever you are going this year, Lord, I'm going too.

"Great is Thy Faithfulness! Great is Thy Faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see"

I'm thankful that I'm learning how to do the hard thanks...

Happy Thanksgiving, dear friends

Linking up with Michelle @ Thought Provoking Thursdays

Grace For the Good Girl: Ch. 4-5

2011-11-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Week! May all your days this week be filled with much joy and laughter with families. If you have a chance, don't forget to join us this week! New to us this week? Click here to catch up. We're glad you are here!

Each week it seems that the chapters get more and more into my deepest insecurities and wounds. Chapter 4-5 were no exception. The words in these chapters have caused me to deal with God in a dramatic way. And I'm still limping from the fight.

Chapter 4: "I'm Great! How are you?"

"However, many good girls have a natural disposition of sweetness that can morph into a mask of false happiness and steal authentic joy that comes from the Lord. We value harmony above our own opinions or emotions, and we smile and smooth over rather than risk disappointment or worse, rejection" (51).

In a nutshell, this is me. In my friendships over the years, I have allowed myself to overlook when I get hurt or disappointed, because the relationship I have with you, as my friend, is more important then my own emotions and needs. I will forego the sting and pain of a friend's actions, just so I won't appear "needy". (Doesn't Emily say the same thing later on in the chapter? Again, this woman knows me!) I don't want you to view your friendship with me as hard work or something you have to do. As I type this, I realize how crazy this sounds! What kind of thinking is this?

Rarely do I voice my own needs, or what I may need from a friend...because I like being strong. I like being the one that has it all together...who rises above all her challenges and leads with perfection! I also consider my needs "silly" and a result of me being "oversensitive".

So, I'm content and a lot more happy, might I add, when I hear your problems and concerns. Even better...with another friend. Phew! Now the attention is completely off of me and onto you. I can work with this...and so the cycle continues.

I don't like to keep coming to God with another major problem each day. I think, "Wow. I must be so much work for God!" "I bet he just wants me to come to Him once with no big issue..."

I like to keep my emotions in check. You see, I don’t want to be an emotional wreck, the kind of a mom/wife/friend that falls apart, the kind of person who you never know how they are going to be that day. I want consistency, peace, and control. How silly that is to think I can control my own emotions!

"...we don't like those fluctuations...we try to stop the swing, because our soul's fluctuation are unpleasant to us and it seems as if God wants us to stop them. We think that Christian maturity is getting that swing under control." (57 emphasis mine)

It's all about control. Keeping it together. Suppressing emotion. Not taking risks. Trying to plan. A life without God...

“As a good girl, I tend to think in extremes. Just as decisions are either right or wrong, emotions are either good or bad. Happy? Good. Sad? Bad.” (54)

“Sometimes it just takes too much energy to be authentic” (55).

Oh, how I stay there...making myself at home with inauthenticity. What’s even worse is when I am authentic and am met with inauthenticity. “It must have been too much!” I think. “Back to the hole, Christina”...

“The longer I hide behind fine, the easier it is to convince myself I am fine” (55).

Yes. It’s all about just trying harder...

I must not be weak! I must keep it together! I need to maintain my relationships and my sanity. My kids need me.

But doesn’t our friend Paul say, “When I am weak, then I am strong?”

If I am trying so hard to be strong, be the good-girl that never has emotional days, then where is the room for God? There isn’t any. There isn’t any need for intimacy with Him because I have it all taken care of.

I forget that often my most powerful times with God have been when I am crying out to Him. There is almost always an extreme emotion present when a spiritual breakthrough occurs. Why would I want to silence that part of me? That swinging of emotions? God is the author of those emotions anyway... It’s a powerful way to draw me closer to Him.

Ch. 5: I’m Trying, God!

“Anyone can be a mom. What I do is expected. What he does is extraordinary” (60).

Oh how I have felt this! I confess that I often envy my husband as he goes off to his pastor job where he gets lots of adult interaction, meetings, lunch dates, and some quiet. I even envy some of my fellow bloggers who have older children and can write an ebook, explore more writing opportunities, and just do cool bloggy things.

I want to be there. I know this is the most amazingly precious time, these first 5 years, but most days it doesn’t feel like it. It seems like life is passing me by and that everyone else is getting to experience it except me.

I go through at least 10 different blog ideas a day. I dream about getting my masters degree. I dream about new ministry opportunities. I even want to write an ebook someday.

Do I dream about what I can do with my kids? What game we could play that day?

No.

I want to be noticed....appreciated...used.

I’m a Martha.

I am a doer. This means that other things fight for my affection from my Father...from just being with Him and the life he has led me to...

like a father leads his children to a safe place.

You know me.

You already notice me.

Yet, Lord, I confess that I am not at peace yet. This is not an “everything ends well” kind of post. I still wrestle with being a stay at home mom now and the “invisible call” I feel is on my life. It’s a struggle. I want to do more then just stay at home in my four walls.

“I wanted to give myself permission to sit down on the inside and live like I have a God who knows what he’s doing” (65 emphasis mine).

So I continue to wrestle, to seek, and hopefully find peace at the end of this crazy journey.

I’m a Recovering Good Girl.

(Please extend grace to me this week! I find that my mind is not “in the zone” and is elsewhere as my family is visiting. I hope this post was easy to read and follow! If you can’t link-up this week, then do so as soon as you can so we can continue our community! Thanks)

Growing Pains

2011-11-18T04:45:00.000-08:00

Grow...

Painful. Oh so painful...this growing that I must do. This stretching. This peeling off of the chains that pull me down.

Daily. Hourly.

That's how often He encourages me to grow. I need it! Oh but do I want it? Not always. Sometimes the current state of me feels good and comfortable.

Known.

To grow would be too hard and frankly... I'm exhausted.

Exhausted because of the push to keep trying. Keep performing. Keep failing...oh the failing.

It's always there. Laughing at me and pointing at my failures.

"Grow?" it says, "Ha! You won't last a day in your new ways."

So I plod on with my chains. My frame stoops a little lower each day until I'm practically crawling.

But when I crawl, that's when I finally see Him

Michelle Duggar and I: A Long-Distance Relationship

2011-11-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

For some reason, I've been recently drawn to the show "17 Kids and Counting" on TLC that features the Duggar family. I have watched several of their episodes and find them heart-warming and inspirational.

Michelle Duggar, the mom who birthed all those 17 children (now 18!), is by far my most favorite person on the show. She models patience, a quiet voice, and an abundance of love to her large brood. I look at her and think...

Why am I not like her?

Confession: Yesterday I didn't even like my 2 1/2 year old. She was whiny THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY and was frankly, really hard to love. Somehow, when she was fooling around during naptime, she managed to hit her nose. I didn't have one ounce of pity for her. None. Isn't that terrible? (written 7 months ago)

(Present Day Confession: I yell at my daughters...I dread another day of dealing with strong-willed children, I always want a break, and I love when they go to bed...Still the same problems!)

You see...having children 13 months apart means that I am currently in the terrible 3's AND the terrible 2's all at the same time.

It's hard.

I'm spent.

I think it's probably time for me to read the free Grace Based Parenting I received at Relevant.

Anyways, I digress... back to my limited patience and love for my children...

How is it that my well of love for my own flesh and blood is so limited? so small?

Oh Father...how I need you...

So back to Michelle Duggar. As I was watching episode after episode last night, I kept eagerly trying to find what her secret is. How does she do it?

And then I realized, it's not that difficult.

She follows hard after God.

She lives, albeit it imperfectly, 1 Cor. 13 which says,

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Hopes...Perseveres...

Yes, my child...hope and persevere...today is a new day.

Wow, God. Such a simple truth.

Yes but you have forgotten.

Allow my love for you to pour out to your children that are hard to love.

For that whiny daughter that seems to make windows crack with her high-pitched whines...

for that 2 year old that does such wild temper tantrums that it takes a wrestler to manage her...

for the arguing and bickering that causes you to contemplate enrolling them both in full-time preschool (is there such a thing?)

Hope...Persevere...Love

Such is worship. True and authentic. And Oh, how it will bless the King!

So, Michelle, I got to hand it to you. God used you to give me a good kick-in-the-pants and I thank you for it. I still think you are a rockin' Mom and would love to have the patience you do someday!

but I don't think I want 18 kids :)

From the archives with some present-day edits. Unfortunately, I still needed this post 7 months later!

Linking up with sweet Michelle @ Thought-Provoking Thursdays

Grace For the Good Girl: Chapter 2-3

2011-11-15T04:56:00.000-08:00

Welcome back! If you are new here, welcome! Join us in linking up your own story because there is a good-girl in all of us. Will you let it come out? Still wondering what this is all about? Click Here. You are also welcome to get caught up with last week’s entries. I’m so thankful for the community that is already forming! Don’t be afraid to jump in and take the leap!

Both Chapter 2 and 3 were really heavy for me. I saw myself in much of Emily’s own revelations about herself. I hope I can get through this post without writing you a book :) I am going to tackle the chapters one at a time in order that it was written. That’s the only way this type A brain can think! So, let’s go...

Chapter 2: Chasing Expectations: Performing All My Life

For as long as I can remember I have been performance-driven. Whatever was put in front of me was a mountain I had to conquer. This girl was going to reach the top of that mountain! No middle of the mountain for me! This “mountain” could have been grades, extra-curricular activities...all one thousand of them, relationships, youth group, even God.

Yes, God was something I had to conquer, not enjoy.

In college I called my parents in tears when I got a C in Conducting class for the semester. I thought my life was over. You can see that for most of my life I have put such high expectations on myself in ALL areas of my life. I must perform at all costs. Always.

Emily describes this condition like this: “Not only do I want to be a good girl, a good Christian, a good wife, and a good mom, I want to be those things in front of God and everyone. I want to be good and I want you to know it.” (25).

The Good Girl...

Like Emily, I never considered rebelling against my parents. I think the worst thing I ever did was tie the soccer goal posts together late one night with my field-hockey friends. They were wanting to prank the soccer guys, so I went along for the ride. I always felt so bad and rebellious, doing those things that weren’t “safe” and “right”.

In my friendships I was always seen as the “nice peacemaker” one. My best friend was gorgeous (and still is!) so all the interested guys would talk to me about how they could start dating her. I was the matchmaker. The sympathizer. Not the pursued one.

“I was a good girl and I wanted to be a good girl, but it often kept me from saying what I really meant. In fact, my desire to be good even kept me from exploring my own opinion...” (26)

I didn’t really like being the listener. I felt ugly and unnoticed. But as a good-girl, I never told them...

The Good Christian...

I never really enjoyed street evangelism. In my middle and high-school years I went on several amazing short-term missions trip. I loved meeting people and seeing how they lived their lives. I could walk on a dump in Brazil and engage the barefoot, scantily clad children, but my knees shook at the thought of street evangelism. I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t even think it worked.

I felt so guilty and thought God was disappointed in me for not being a better Christian. You see, my relationship with God was a lot like a daughter trying to perform for her Daddy. I wanted him to notice me and clap and say, “Good job, sweetie!” Because I didn’t enjoy the evangelism side of my Christian walk I imagined a disappointed God who just wanted me to try harder.

“I am struck by how I have lived in a constant state of high expectation...” (26)

The Good Mom...

“The life of a young mother can be a very dark place to live.” (30)

Yes, Emily...for I have lived some of my darkest hours as a young mom with children only 13 months apart. I have long since left my ideal picture of what a Mom looks like. I have left it along with my kids always looking nice, never whining, never watching TV, and always having freshly-taken pictures in frames, in their neat rooms.

My kids rarely look all put together and they watch TV every day. I still don’t have pictures from July that were taken of them in frames. They fight and whine and aren’t grateful. Frankly, they act like spoiled brats sometimes.

“I feel like there is a mom I’m supposed to be but I will never, ever measure up “ (32).

I don’t want to homeschool...ever...Is that wrong? Somehow I think it is. Somehow I think its written in some Mom Bible out there that everyone is following except me. I honestly feel like my kids might not turn out as good as all the homeschool kids I am around in the area I live in. And so I struggle.

Chapter 3: My not-so-extreme makeover: I am God and there is no other!

“Children are the best recorders but the worst interpreters” (41).

When I was five my mom got really sick. No one knew why. The doctors couldn’t figure it out and eventually diagnosed her with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. As a five-year old, I interpreted that as I now need to be self-reliant. I don’t want to bother my mom because she isn’t feeling well. My mom is now feeling great but unfortunately, my need to be self-sufficient hasn't gone away.

I see myself as being independent and self-sufficient. My family can rely on me. I am strong. I am never “needy” and I most certainly don’t want you to have to take my burdens on you. I would much rather hear about your life than mine!

This is sin.

“Mask-wearing, though a horrible problem, is not the underlying problem. It is the pitiful symptom of the larger problem: unresolved sin issues. A mask is only the public proof that an infection is spreading through my body” (35-36 emphasis mine).

In my good-girl strength I show God that I don’t need Him.

I can take care of this, God! I’ve gotten myself through far worse than this! I’ve got it. You just stay over there until I am desperate enough to bring you along.

Sin. Ugly, infectious sin.

As Emily shows, Jesus didn’t care at all what other people thought of him! “He wasn’t working to maintain a good reputation. He was walking in dependence on his Father” (48).

Walking in dependence...

In the end its really all about holding my Father’s hand as we walk through life and not performing for Him as he looks on.

On one side dependence...on the other...performance.

Life’s not a performance...it’s a journey with an audience of One...

I don’t want to perform anymore. I don’t want to rely on myself anymore. I don’t want to continue falling short of my high expectations. I just want to let You carry me through life.

I need you, God.

You are God and I am not.

I’m a recovering good girl...

I'm Going with God

2011-11-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

It's another day. The sun is not even over the clouds yet and already I am mulling over how I am going to get through the day. The kids have been difficult, the husband has been busy, and I've been irritable.

I have not been fulfilling my role of supportive help-mate or full of grace mom. I grumbled and yelled as I got the kids in the car to go to church. "Come on it's time to go to church!" I yelled.

You see, my kids were whiny, fussy, and pushing and shoving as I was trying to stay calm. I took a deep breath. I prayed. Yet I still succumbed to the frustration that had been building up like a volcano trying to erupt. I seethed all the way to church as my 3 year old said, "I want..." and "I don't want this..."

A 3 year old heart is still so unformed and I often forget that. I demand that she be on the same level as I am, which some days isn't much higher than hers.

I lack motivation for coming up with another cool, creative activity for the kids to do at home. They walk around bored and I draw inward all the more.

I just can't do it... My heart cries. Why can't they entertain themselves?

Ugly sin. Oh how I loathe thee!

So I resolved to go to bed early and rise before the little ones, in hopes that I can center myself more in God and His strength.

It's hard work, this whole mother/wife thing. It's so hard that I can't do it alone...Ever... Whenever I try to do it alone I always crash and burn miserably.

So, I take a deep breath, and try again. But today will be different. I won't do the leading...instead I will allow Him to do the leading.

So I resolve. God, you're taking the wheel of this day today. Anoint my head down to my toes so I can be the wife and mom I need to be. Fill me to the overflow. Help me not to serve in my own strength today but in yours. Give me the joy and the energy I need. May it be a victorious day in you!

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

The sun's rays are now shining down...and so are the Lord's abundant mercies.

It's a new day. I'm going with God.

Linking up with these other lovelies over @ Write It Girl

She's 3!

2011-11-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my sweet-girl is 3...

Today I celebrate you!

3 years ago, last night, I was sitting on the couch, watching Top Chef, and waiting for my husband to come home from his seminary night class. I knew it was the night!

3 years later...we have this!

Our precious girl...

You are outgoing and love singing and dancing. You are so creative and I often wonder what's going on inside that head of yours :) You love playing with your little princesses and fairies and can also tend to boss your younger sister around a little...

You always keep me on my toes, and frankly, some days you exhaust me :) but you are tender hearted and hurt for your younger sister when she is sad.

You are slowly learning what it means to love God and to know, more importantly, that He loves you!

I feel totally inadequate as your mom...but I know God made me for you and you for me! I'm so happy you're my daughter. Let's be best friends for life :)

Unexpected

2011-11-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

Unexpected...

The angry words she said...the pulling of the other sister's hair...my raising of my voice...

All unexpected.

This day wasn't supposed to be like this. I woke with visions of memories being made, of giggles and hugs, and dancing and swirling in the kitchen to music. Not this.

You see, yesterday I was in a deep funk of fatigue and blahness. I even tried to get rejuvenated during nap time by laying it at His feet, but still the sin swirled like a tornado pushing itself through the house.

Unexpected...

Some days are just like that...at the end of the day, He is still on the throne and is patient with all my failings and even my little ones, who are just learning how to grow up in Him.

And THAT is not unexpected...

Thankful for Dayspring

2011-11-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

Last week I received a brown box from Dayspring. A smile began to form as I remembered what it was.

It was this:

A beautiful table-runner that screams gratitude

And I love it! I love it so much that I took several pictures so I could show it off :)

I truly love the reversible side of it because undoubtedly one side will be dirty in the next 30 seconds from having two toddlers. I can just flip over the other side without having to wash it! Brilliant!

This Thanksgiving I am trying to make a conscious effort at instilling gratitude into our family's hearts. My children are currently in the "sponge phase" where they soak in everything Mommy and Daddy say and do. I take that to mean actually live out the grateful life for them to see. So every night I will be asking the kids what they are thankful for. They then get to put a kernel of popcorn in the box on the center of the table. The night before Thanksgiving we will then pop all the popcorn to show the overflow of blessings our Father gives us.

Isn't it an awesome idea? It's not mine :) I can't take the credit for it... We had a speaker come to our mom's group last week to give us some practical ideas for celebrating Thanksgiving and the kernel idea was a big takeaway for me.

I see this table-runner as a constant reminder of where my heart should be...in thankfulness to God.

I love that the table-runner is in my kitchen because it is where I spend most of my time. This decoration is acting like a "heart-check" for me.

Where's your heart at right now, Christina?

Are you thankful?

Remember what this season is all about.

So thanks, Dayspring! I'm pretty thankful for you!

Disclosure: I was given this product by Dayspring for my fair and honest review. I did not receive any compensation in exchange for this review and all opinions expressed are my own.

Linking up with other grateful Dayspring lovers!

Saying Yes to God

2011-11-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

It's cold today and I'm tired.

Maybe it's the weather...all I know is that I've been in a funk. A mopey-hard to focus-introspective-funk. Maybe its coming off from such a high at Relevant. Maybe its the wear and tear of having two little ones. Maybe its the late-night writing/online connecting (ahem!) but whatever the reason, I am in a funk.

So, here I am... hands outstretched in surrender to my Best Friend...who understands what its like to be human and frail, who understands how its hard to see past the challenges of life, who just understands...

who just sees me and doesn't require anything in return...just me.

The tears flow gently into His lap for that's as close as He is to me. So close that whatever pain or tears I have flow into his very hands. His back is never turned to me, his mind is never elsewhere. He has and always WILL have perfect love towards only me. I am the only Christina he knows! I hold a special place in His heart that is not occupied by anyone else.

So I say "Yes" to God today...

And that's all...

Joining other thought-provoking thoughts

Grace For The Good Girl: It Begins!

2011-11-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

Good Morning, Good-Girls!

I am so excited you are here! Let's get straight to it. I'll start with my post and you all link-up to the link below. Blessings as we begin!

And so Grace For The Good Girl begins. In a masquerade. The girl in hiding. I was struck by Emily’s story of The Phantom of the Opera and how captivated she was by the grandeur of the masquerade scene. She sees herself in that party, hiding behind a good girl mask.

“My hiding was so clever that I had everyone fooled, including myself. The masks I chose to hide behind were not obviously offensive. In so many ways, the life of this good girl mirrors that of the party guests at a masquerade ball. My masks were nice. They were lovely. They were bubbly and likeable and attractive. They were the masks of a good girl. Yet, I hid behind them.” (12)

Now up to this point, I didn’t see how I fit into this scenario. Masks? All those characteristics she just described sum up who I am. I’m your likeable pastor’s wife with two kids. I’m a SAHM who does normal housewife-type stuff. What masks is she talking about?

I started squirming as she delved farther, and spoke about her relationship with Jesus. How it was structured and in a box. How she brought this good girl persona into all parts of her life. Leader. Wife. Mom. Trying to be perfect in all areas at all times. By this point, I am now sinking lower and lower in my seat in the airplane. “Is anyone watching me?” “Can they see the cover of the book?” “Have they found me out yet?”

I continued reading...

She (Emily) spoke about her reliance on her good mood and her “bootstrap religion” (13). “I focused on the things I could handle, the things I excelled in, my disciplined life, and my unshakeable good mood.” (13).

OK so now she has my attention. I’m hooked. I am now convinced that this woman somehow has gone into my inner me and is writing this book just to me.

“How does she know?”

The tears start to pool up in my eyes. Even now the emotions are so real and raw. My deep-seeded coping mechanisms that are so entrenched in me are now written on the pages of a book for all to read.

Emily calls for us to lay down our resilient, push-through, always happy selves and walk towards God. Just me and God. No strings attached.

By the end of the Intro I see the truth:

I am a good girl.

Chapter 1 was so rich for my soul that I could barely underline the words fast enough. Wave after wave of fears she experienced aligned with mine. “Yes,” I whispered.

“I stay strong when I feel weak and I fake happy when I want to cry because my ideal image has everything to do with put together and nothing to do with falling apart” (17)

Yes.

“If you wonder what gives you the authority to define me, I will say it is because you exist. I must have worth, and it is up to you to give it to me.” (17)

Yes.

“If my story were a planet, then your rejection of me would be my nuclear holocaust.” (17)

Yes. All me.

The descriptions continue. Being dependable. Always doing good in everything you do. An optimist. Finding my worth in people and not God.

Me! Me! Me! Me on a page!

Cut open and laid out for all to see!

A good girl.

But not a happy one.

I try and try to embrace God and His love that I know is there. Sometimes I do get it and experience wonderful freedom that makes me dance through my days. More often I experience the valley’s of the “Sometimes Truths” that Emily lists.

You know what? I checked almost every one. Every one!

When did this pattern of anxiety and self-reliance become such a part of my DNA?

When did I become such a people-pleaser that I hide behind who I really am?

Looks like I have my work cut out for me, friends.

Emily draws out two possible things that we may hide from. We could either hide from something or behind something. I am still processing what this means to me, but I see myself hiding the most from my future dreams. I am scared to pursue them because they are uncomfortable and the outcomes are unknown.

Since the age of 15 I have wanted to be some kind of a counselor. I love people and hearing their stories. I draw life from relationships and enjoy helping people. That is one reason why I love having the role of a pastor’s wife. When it became time to pick a major for college, I chose Music Education because Music was the only thing I was really good at. I couldn’t choose Psychology because, well, that wasn’t practical and wouldn’t get me anywhere after college. So I enrolled in a rigorous, but wonderful program at Wheaton College Conservatory of Music.

Every year I wanted to change my major. Every year! Did I ever do it? No. My parents were trying to be supportive and kept encouraging me to stay in the program. I was good at singing and was excelling academically. There wasn’t really a reason why I should change my major but the truth was, I wasn’t happy. Don’t get me wrong...I love music and will always have music as a passion and hobby in my life. My degree helped me in securing a good job while my husband was in seminary as well as helping our family financially even now. I also gained tons of good life experiences through the program but does it make me jittery with excitement? No. I wish I would have had the guts to make the change while I still could. I’m afraid I missed my chance and now have to live with the consequences.

I think I hide behind my strength. There have been numerous life experiences that have taught me to be strong. Life has thrown me some pretty big curveballs, as life often does, and I have learned to look to my strength as something I can rely on. I rely on me. There isn’t much room for God in MY equation.

“Worry is a thief, Fear is a liar, and Anxiety is their trembling, furrow-browed baby. I have lived with this dysfunctional family for the better part of my life. Sometimes I live with them still. Worry robs me of the peace I know is available. Fear lies and says there is no peace at all. And their immature, screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of “what if?” and “what now?” and “what will they think?” (22).

Yes, Emily. That is where I am at. I don’t like it. I don’t want to stay here. This is not the woman I want to be.

God is graciously not allowing me not to stay the way I am. It doesn’t feel good right now, this refining. It hurts. He is asking me to come to Him without my “friends” anxiety, fear, and worry. The problem is, I don’t know if I am able to do that, but I’m willing to try.

I want to learn how to be a recovering good girl...

Paper faces on parade.

Masquerade!

Hide your face, so the world will never find you!

Masquerade!

Every face a different shade.

Masquerade!

Look around -

there's another

mask behind you!

-Phantom of the Opera “Masquerade”

Watch the full-length video of the song here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friends, all my Recovering Good Girls, thanks for joining me for Week 1 of our Link-Ups! Won’t you kindly share your story below? Please take some time and read from those posted around you. Have you posted your button flair? Let’s display it for all to see. We are women who are taking the hard path to change! Let’s show it off :)

I am praying for each one of you...

Christina :)

A Good Day

2011-11-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

It was a good day today...

A visit with a friend who spoke encouraging words over me.

Reading loving posts from new blogging friends (Jennifer Stephanie Annie Kristi)

Crossing off items on a to-do list

Watching two little princesses' smile

Finding acorns and leaves with childlike imagination

Swinging while looking up at the beautiful sky...marveling at God's creation...watching the geese fly away

"God made me!" exclamations from a 3 year old's mouth

Dinner by candlelight...although with no Daddy to join us...

Snuggling while watching Winnie the Pooh

"Look, mommy! It's Pooh"

Jumping on the bed

Joy.

Life.

Memories.

And this...

Yeah...it was a good day

Priorities

2011-11-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday evening and I am slowing down. I'm feeling my to-do's for the week start to pile up like a pile of dirty laundry. It is the elephant in the room that I know is there, but am choosing to ignore. It is my constant companion, even though it feels more like an enemy then a friend.

As a busy mom of two little ones I know I will always be busy. The term "slow week" just doesn't exist :) The husband will be gone three nights this week with various ministry commitments... It just goes with the territory...so I need a plan.

I am feeling a conviction in the area of what I do with my free time and how I am engaging my girls at home.

I don't have much free time but I do have a two hour window of time when the girls are resting. Since coming home from Relevant I have spent a significant amount of time on the computer. All of my new friends are on the computer now so it is natural for me to want to be on Twitter and on blogs. I am missing the deep connection and community I had at the conference and have struggled to regain my footing here in my "real life." There has been some beautiful and amazing things that have come out of my time on Twitter and in reading new blogs but things have been out of balance. The laundry doesn't get done...The dishes get put off... And my desire to draw inward grows all the more.

These smiling faces need me:

My husband also needs me.

I need to relax and know that I will keep and maintain the relationships I have gained from the conference without neglecting all other parts of my life.

I believe this needs to be fleshed out with this picture in mind:

Balance. Everything working in a seamless line. Recreation and rest working with productivity and serving.

Things have not been in a healthy balance this week so back to that plan I mentioned earlier...

I will be adding my name to a long list of beautiful women who are wanting to be obedient in memorizing more scripture. I can't remember the last time I really consciously memorized scripture. Maybe it was in high school. Really!... So I am way overdue for some good old hiding God's word in my heart (Steve Green anyone?) Romans 8 is our goal. I wouldn't be doing this if I was alone so I'm glad I will have about 100 other women keeping me accountable!

The other major change I need to make has to do with this...

The Twitter!!

Man, I have to limit myself to only going on during nap-time and at the end of the day. It's just too easy to be on there for WAY too long. I will go on and say hi to my friends and then leave and...memorize Romans 8 :) Oh and maybe tackle that laundry pile...and wash all the winter clothes...and plan my daughter's 3 year old birthday party. Yup, I have enough to do... Ha!

A wise man once said..."So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor. 10:31)

Priorities. Can't live a God-centered life without it.

Blessings!

...There's still time to join us...

Linking up with the rest of my Romans 8 team

Five Minute Fridays: Driving In the Night

2011-11-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

Quiet. Car driving. Gentle hum of the car. Thoughts wander.

Then I look up. “Look, children! Stars!” Content silence. Just my children and I driving home from a frantic, busy day.

You are there! Your love is everywhere. You remind me of what is important.

You. Your love. Your creation. Your presence.

The moon shines so bright ahead me as I drive, guiding my path, leading me to a better life.

Thank you, God, for the moon.

Thank you, God, for the stars.

They are gentle reminders of your love for me.

Father, keep me content and still before you always. Just as the stars and moon are still before you their Maker, so I will be still before you. Reverent. Trembling. Anxious to be with you.

A smile slowly creeps up on my face. In my soul I can say, “It is well.”

Linking up with others for Five Minute Friday

Relevant Tears

2011-10-31T19:28:00.000-07:00

Gone. Sucked away. A distant memory. All joy and confidence gone. Why? Because all of my precious Relevant photos are gone. Somehow in syncing my Ipod, the photos disappeared...never to be seen again. The tears started to burst forth like a waterfall cascading over a mountain. I felt my treasured memories slip away from my grasp as the Ipod screen came up blank. How could this happen? How could I be back to square one?

Unconfident. Cautious. Jealous. Always comparing. Fearful. Anxious.

I left Relevant almost jittery with life and felt all that go away in the span of 5 minutes.

Those few photos were my momentum. They were going to propel me forward into blogging heaven. They were photos of me and a certain Emily Freeman who just might have changed my life forever.

You see she and a small group of sweet women, told me I am a writer. Words like, “Wow” and “I get you.” “You’re so vulnerable and I was there with you in your story, every step of the way” enveloped me in our writing circle.

All I could say was... “Really?” I was shocked. Was my writing good enough to cross the span from my home to their hearts? I couldn’t believe it. Truly they meant someone else.

“Can I have your business card” whispered another sweet woman.

“Sure,” I sputtered out.

Then in a book signing of Emily’s book, again I connected with her sweet spirit.

“I just loved our writing circle today! It was one of the best parts of the conference for me,” she said.

“Me too” although I secretly thought...

she must say this to everyone.

She signed my book

(insert cute, awesome picture of the two of us here. You’ll have to use your imagination)

Later, by myself, I opened the book and in the front cover were these simple words:

“May you know sweet grace, Christina. Love your writing!”

I was and am still shocked. You see I never pictured myself as a writer. I always wrote in tattered pink journals with run-on sentences and plenty of grammar mistakes. I have always written like I talk, which is one of the biggest grammar no-no’s out there. I didn’t even excel in AP English and often joined in book discussions because my grade depended on it.

I guess what I am finding out is that I have always been able to write. I have always been a lover of words but they have to be MY words. Not someone else’s. Not in an analytical voice. Not in a perfectly structured term paper... but from my heart and soul. That is where my true art can be painted.

Does there really need to be another Ann Voskamp? Another Tsh Oxenrider? Even another Emily Freeman?

The answer is no. And I bet all those women would answer the same. Relevant tought me that truth and so much more. It will take me days to process and unwrap all the truths spoken into me that weekend, a process that will be delightful and emotionally exhaustive all in the same breath. But I’m committed. God has finally recovered my heart because I have chosen to be found.

My tears are dry now.

“Do you know yet how much I love you?” the Father gently speaks...

“Can you finally feel my boundless love?”

“Stop listening to your fears, my child.”

“Come to me and live!”

The photos are still gone but the Father’s love is still the same... and is even now graciously wooing me unto Himself. I am still just as validated in my writing craft as I was before. More importantly, I am still a precious daughter of the most perfect Heavenly Father I can ever imagine.

Thank you, Relevant. Thank you, Emily for speaking life into my soul.

My name is Christina...and I’m a writer.

Joining my Relevant sisters in linking up our stories

Kitchen Reflections

2011-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

It is a quiet, cold Sunday afternoon. The husband is busily continuing to serve our church while I tuck little heads in with lots of hugs and kisses. I figure it's a perfect time to blog :)

Several weeks ago, I was baking late at night for incoming family visitors. I always enjoy baking for visitors. I love gathering far away family together around a plate of yummy food.

So on this particular night, I was making Pumpkin Apple Streusel Muffins.

Flour. Check.
Sugar. Check
Vanilla. Check

Wait, vanilla...it struck me from years past. I flashbacked to me as a 9 year old girl helping my mom bake. She would often say to me, "always pour more vanilla in then the recipe calls for. Just let it spill over into the bowl."

"How many pints are in a quart, Christina?" "Always level the flour evenly when you are measuring it."

By the way, I still don't know the answer to how many pints are in a quart, Mom :)

My mother instilled in me a love of baking. My father always had, and still does, a huge sweet tooth. I think my mother always saw it as an act of service to my father to have some cookies or an apple pie waiting for him when he came home from work.

My grandmother has a legendary apple pie recipe that I often made with her growing up. It has been many years since grandma has made that apple pie but it feels like almost yesterday when I had a heaping slice in my grandparents' kitchen in a small town in Pennsylvania.

Isn't it funny how life circles back around? Now I am baking in the quiet solitude of my own home for my own family. I remember to let the vanilla spill over the measuring spoon into the bowl. I neatly level the flour and sugar to be just right before I pour it into the bowl. I methodically peel apples, just the way Mom taught me. I slice and dice, all the while thanking God for the mom I have.

I don't really remember what it is like to live close to my family. Holidays and special occasions are pretty much the only time I see my family. There is much of my daily life that they won't experience. My brother is quickly growing up and will be going to college in less then 2 years. I have never once been to his Homecoming or Prom.

Through all the missed events, I know still that my family is always with me. God used that night in the kitchen to remind me of just that. My mom is always there baking right along with me. The years my parents put into raising me have made me who I am today.

So, I won't ever forget to pour in a little bit more vanilla, mom :)

4 Generations

The Getaway of a Lifetime

2011-10-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

The husband and I just came back from a getaway for just the two of us. It was wonderful in every way! We were gone for a total of 6 days, which was definitely the longest we had ever been away from both kids. It was great! and also necessary :)

First stop... en route to Wheaton, IL for Homecoming weekend we stopped at a Diners, Drive-In, and Dives spot, The Shanty.

They even had a picture of our good friend, Guy Fieri from Food Network

Then on to Wheaton. Definitely a surreal moment pulling into campus and seeing the "For Christ and His Kingdom" sign and being here as an alumnus and not a student. Made us feel old! and no we definitely did not fit in while we were there :) Upon registering, I noticed a nice woman with blonde hair come in with her three kids. I thought to myself, "she looks familiar. Where have I seen her before?" Then it came to me. This is Lisa Beamer! I felt like some sort of paparazzi or something as I discreetly fumbled for my Ipod and snapped...the back of her head. Very anti-climatic...

Wheaton threw an awesome Homecoming, not surprisingly since Wheaton never does anything half-hearted. We spent some good times catching up with old friends and professors, driving in the downtown area and walking down memory lane at our old dorm where we met.

Me making a sad face because my beloved house I lived in senior year was torn down inorder to make room for a brand new science center.

Wheaton is so beautiful in the Fall!

In the cafeteria eating the most amazing food

On our way up north to visit some friends, we swung by our old apartments we lived in. We have come a long way since then!

The second half of the trip was down in Charlotte, NC for the husband's Worship Pastor National Conference. Again, a great time as we met other pastors and pastor wives and just took life slowly. It was a time of encouragement, prayer, and admonishing one another to continue doing the work God has called all of us to do at our respective churches. Charlotte was a beautiful location for the conference. Probably a highlight for me included having a "nothing day" all to myself in the hotel as well as seeing the Billy Graham Library.

Even though my house is a wreck, and my to-do list is a mile long, I continue to have a thankful heart for the time spent away. What a gift!

Women of Faith

2011-10-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I had the enormous privelage of attending the Women of Faith conference. It was wonderful! Totally refreshing, truth-filled, educational weekend! I highly recommend it but more about that later :)

This is what greeted my friend Heidi and I when we walked into the Bradley Center Friday morning:

Beautiful!

I will say that I got the most out of the Friday sessions as they were more intimate and for longer periods of time. Dr. Henry Cloud spoke on such practical, life issues. He is best known for the book, Boundaries. His books are on my to-read list when I get to go away for a mini-vacation later on in the week. I loved when he talked on going through the seasons of life as well as how to become a happier person. Who can't relate to that? I mean really! I loved every minute.

This is the Q and A time of Dr. Cloud and Sheila Walsh had with audience questions. Such a deep, vulnerable time of digging into life's difficult challenges. Sheila was wonderful and spoke several times throughout the weekend. Her lifetime battle with depression is an inspiring story and makes you walk away knowing that you don't always have to have it together! She spoke of God's love in a way that makes you convinced that she knows God in an intimate way.

OK so the next phase of pictures are pretty much me going crazy with my camera because...a certain Angie Smith was speaking! I couldn't believe how close I was to her. Such a surreal moment! I am used to seeing her on the screen during our Bloom Book Club videos so needless to say, when I saw her walk in, it was an exciting moment.

Angie speaking. Probably telling one of her hilarious stories of her early Bible-study days before she was a Christian. Hilarious! But really...I so appreciated Angie's honesty with the pain that came from losing her newborn daughter Audrey, due to extreme health complications. While I had heard her story before it still brought tears to my eyes to hear it again.

My friend, Heidi, that went with me. Now she is going to hate me for putting this-ahem-flattering picture of her :)

And yes...there is a man in the background of this picture...hilarious! Poor guy was there supporting his wife. Now that takes love!

Now great news! Women of Faith will be coming back to Milwaukee next year! October 5-6 at the Bradley Center. Mark your calendars, all you cheese-heads! The line-up looks great with a wonderful addition: Tim Hawkins as well as Brenda Warner. Yes it will be beyond awesome!

Thanks again, Women of Faith!

Letting Go

2011-09-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

After 6 horrendous days on the detox, I am quitting. I'm sure you are all surprised. Ha!

No I will not be completely quitting, as I will be definitely watching what I eat and trying to pay close attention to how I feel. I will even be getting a recipe tutorial from my friend Hana, who literally knows everything about changing a diet for health reasons. I am thankful to have her!

By Saturday, I couldn't do it anymore. I had pushed myself physically too far and could no longer be the mom and wife I need to be. I also am a working mom too with my music studio going full-speed ahead, so much so that I can hardly keep up with it. I was done with living in a constant state of fog and fatigue. I ate as much protein as I could, as I knew that would be the biggest hole in the detox, but it didn't do as much as I needed it to. The no-gluten/no-dairy wasn't even the hardest part. It was the no-corn and no-soy. That stuff is in everything! I mean, have you ever checked your food labels? Man! That was a killer. In my most hungry state, I could barely find something I could eat other then brown rice and fruits/veggies.

So fast-forward to today. I had had a tough weekend stomach-wise for unclear reasons. I knew I had a gastro-intestine appt. with a doctor in early October. I knew I had to have some gluten and dairy in my system inorder for the doctor to get a good look at things. I also knew that my grocery budget was done for the current paycheck. What was I going to do? Continue to despair and stress? Further cripple myself?

No! I decided to continue eating well but at the same time letting go of the unknown. I have been almost paralyzed by fear of the unknown this past week. My mind kept going to what was I going to be diagnosed with? What was wrong with me? Is there a more serious problem at hand? When will I feel better?

Talk about exhausting. Worrying is exhausting, isn't it? I still don't have any more answers then when I started other then to watch out for dairy and gluten, but in a sense I still don't know what I am dealing with. God does.

Yes he knows what I have ahead of me.

Maybe He is going to ask me to give up a big chunk of my diet.

Maybe He is going to change my life course.

Am I OK with that? Am I willing to trust Him?

In the deepest part of my soul I ask, "Is God's plan really going to be better?" Not only that but, "is it going to be better then...mine?"

You see I really have everything all planned out in my head. I don't really take the time to ask God if that is His plan as well. I just invite Him along for the ride. Not really a faith-like thing to do, is it.

If I truly say that...

1. God is the only true, all-powerful God
2. I have a relationship with Him, which means God is actively involved in my life
3. Because of that relationship, God has plans and dreams for me that are better then anything I can come up with,

then I must simply let go.

You are God.

I am not.

I don't know what is happening to my body right now, or to my life plans, but I trust that you know what is best for me. You see the bigger picture. You see all the pieces of the puzzle. You know me inside and out and in your mercy, you say no when its the best for me.

With a quivering, open hand that still wants to close tightly on that which I hold dear, I trust. I let go.

In the end, it's not really about the food anymore...

Relevant, Relevant, and More Relevant!

2011-09-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Today will be a different post. May be kind of random :) but just go with it!

Many of you have probably forgotten, as I often do, that I will be attending the most amazing Christian blogging conference in the country. It is called Relevant and will be held in Harrisburg, PA at the end of October. I'm thrilled! I often go from extreme excitement to panic as I think about how little I actually know about this whole blog thing. I am just anticipating about 200 women who already have 50 million followers/likes/tweets and then there's little ol' me who has had a blog for a year and doesn't even have an "About Me" section yet! Hence this blog post.

But, I know the fears have no place in the conference. I know they are welcoming everyone with open arms. I know I will probably meet at least one blogger like myself who doesn't really know what they are doing there :) It's going to be a conference of a lifetime and I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of it!

In preparation for the conference, I am linking up my blog to this Relevant pre-conference get-to-know-you thingy. I thought I would put together a top 10 list that sums up who I am :)

10. I am a 20 something SAHM who grew up in Delaware. Definitely one of the most obscure states but also one of the coolest!

9. Music played a big part in my elementary and awkward middle-school years. I started out in piano but ended up choosing voice in 8th grade.

8. I went to the same Christian school from 1st-12th grade. As a result, I knew every classmate's first, middle, and last name. I had a graduating class of 65 and loved every minute of my experience!

7. I was miraculously accepted into Wheaton College in Illinois. Yay Wheaton! I enrolled into the Conservatory of Music as a Music Education major with an emphasis on Voice.

6. Wheaton rocked my world! I loved being a part of such a diverse and spiritually rich campus. Also the music program was killer....So much so that it almost killed me with its rigorous academics :) But I made it through! and knew I was a better musician because of it.

5. Wheaton also rocked my world because that is where I met my husband James. (By the way, that photo of me on his blog is terrible!) He and I were in Concert Choir together as well as Brother/Sister floors. He is the kindest, gentlest, most caring man I know and I get him! :) We have had a crazy ride since getting married in 2007 but I wouldn't share it with anybody else but him.

4. Upon graduation, I took up a job teaching elementary music in a ritzy suburb of Chicago. There was literally money oozing out of the schools' pores! I had the privelage of learning how to use a SMART board as well as access to lots of different Apple products. I was humbled numerous times during my tenure there. It was and still is a great school and I feel blessed to have strengthened my skills there.

3. Early in our marriage, James and I decided we might want to start having kids soon. Then, BAM! It happened. Abby came in '08 and BAM! Kaylee came in '10. If you do the math right, the girls are just shy of being 14 months apart. Yeah. Crazy times. Things aren't near as crazy as they were. Now I get the joy of watching my little treasures play together and laugh at what each other says. It's the best!

2. Now, through a crazy set of circumstances which will be for another day, we landed in eastern Wisconsin at a wonderful church. My husband is now serving as their full-time Pastor of Worship Arts. I am still in the music world where I teach piano and voice lessons. I am mainly nurturing our girls and serving a wonderful group of Mom's at our mom's group called THRIVE. I love books and can't get enough of them. I also love traveling, blogging, music, friends, and learning.

1. I'm excited to meet you! Whoever you are, fellow Relevantee, that has made it to the end of this exhaustive list :) Please let me know who you are and hopefully we can meet up! Thanks for reading!

Blessings!

Detox Update

2011-09-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

Well, friends...I am surviving! Yes I am still sticking to the strict, crazy diet I am to be on for this week. I am now half-way there! I definitely won't say it has been easy. Every afternoon from 2-4 my body goes through sugar withdrawl, so I basically walk around in a fog until it lifts. Fun times.

Another difficult thing has been food cravings that will come up unexpectedly. For a split second I ask myself, "Should I?" But I don't! I feel so victorious even writing that.

God has been so abundantly gracious to me this week. The kids haven't been that tough, and overall I am filled with MORE patience instead of less. How backwards! Right? I mean this is without my caffeinated-cream and sugar-coffee-crutch that usually helps me get through the day. I am able to love my family and enjoy life more then when I fill my body with carbs.

God has proven to me that I don't need any kind of food routine to build my life around. I don't need sugar or cheese (my two favorites!) inorder to have a successful day.

Wow.

Now don't get me wrong...I will be ecstatic to get off this diet on Monday and will start with a cup of coffee, with cream and sugar, but the truth remains. I am doing the impossible. And God is more near to me then ever.

Praise be to Him!

Detox: The Power of Denial

2011-09-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

Today I embark on a important but tough journey. I will be detoxing from caffeine, gluten, refined sugars, and probably several more products. This isn't just for fun. Ha! Because it really isn't fun! at least in the beginning.

No, this is for health reasons. I have had digestive issues for 4 months now and have tried every avenue possible to try to figure out the cause. This temporary diet change will hopefully bring an answer to my problems. I ask for your prayers in this area as well! I also have a GI doctor appt. in early October but hope to cancel it with just some simple diet changes.

At times, I have wondered what God is doing. I mean, what's really going on right now up in the heavenlies? God and His Spirit are ever present. Even now. Shaping me and helping me through life's trials. I know God is teaching me discipline, both physical and spiritual, and is showing me I don't need coffee to get through the day. (Anybody feel a twinge on that one?)

He is sustaining me and He will throughout the rest of the week.

May all of you, my dear friends, find God through your own personal worldly denials :)

The Waiting Game

2011-09-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

The Theme of my life can easily be summed up as, Waiting.

Waiting for what's next.

Waiting for several big changes to come through in my life and family.

Half the time I don't even know what I am waiting for...just that I am waiting.

While I was doing dishes (yes the light-bulb dishes moment happens again!) and reflecting on the pain of waiting, I remembered that the waiting game is sprinkled all throughout Scripture. God often caused a Bible character to wait for what they wanted.

Noah. David. Moses. The Israelities. The list could go on and on.

What I am going through isn't new! There is nothing I can do to make this waiting phase go faster. Nothing. But what I can do is serve Him while I am waiting. I can submit to Him and not only plod through the time of waiting but enjoy all the new ways God will prove Himself faithful.

Love this song! John Waller's, "While I'm Waiting".

Make you be encouraged in your own time of waiting...

Thank You!

2011-09-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Thank you for loving us, Father!

Meditating on these special words from Shaun Groves today.

As I do this, I try to focus on truth and not let life get to me. Because at the end of the day, whether the to-do list is done or not, whether I accomplished all I needed to, whether I was the perfect mom and wife I wanted to be, God still loves me.

All is Grace in this life. Every last minute and pain. Every problem. Every mountain. All is Grace from the Giver.

Here's Shaun's song, "All Is Grace"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3qxhg1X8Ws

I know I will be having it on repeat today...

Blessings!

My Two Treasures :)

2011-08-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

Sunday's normally means a very long day for me while my husband ministers to our church family. Yesterday was no exception. As the afternoon dragged on, I felt myself getting into a slump of exhaustion and felt like I was having to practically stand on my head to get my kids entertained. It wasn't working. So plan B.

I started talking to the girls about what they would like to do after dinner and Abby perked up with, "Let's go to the park with the circle slide." Hm...not a bad idea, I thought. I mustered up the energy to get the girls in the car and drove to our new favorite park.

We had a blast! The girls were laughing as we went down the slide over and over again. Abby's face was priceless as she is now able to go down the slide by herself! Kaylee watched with glee as her handfuls of sand get swept away by the wind. And I, as the mother, treasured all these things in my heart. Sound familiar? We were making memories, ones that I know I will look back on and miss as bikes get traded in for cars and bedrooms become empty.

So back to Sundays. It's not really a Sabbath for me. Probably won't ever be as long as we are in ministry. Too many Sundays I have allowed myself to just slog through, pining for what I don't have. Yesterday, it was a different Sunday. I experienced joy! I said to God with a smile, "For once, I got it right." And it feels good :)

My Two Treasures:

Growing Pains

2011-08-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

Well life has, for lack of a better word, been vomiting all over me. With vacations, laundry, music studio re-launching, and the day-to-day tasks, I feel like I can barely keep my head above water. While playing with the kids yesterday we were burying our favorite Veggie Tales characters in the dry beans. I saw Joseph's yellow veggie eyes looking up at me and realized I am buried right now. Utterly buried.

God is stretching me and it hurts. He is challenging my faith, my integrity, my out of control fears, and where my strength is currently lying.

Ouch.

I wish it would stop but I know he is the perfect Father, lovingly rebuking me, so I can regain intimacy with Him.

But it still hurts.

In the midst of the rebuke, my God still gives me moments like this...

What kind of God mercifully does both? Rebuking and rewarding?

Doesn't get any better then that...